Normal and Chaos or Trouble Make Us Bond More Deeply
Being in love with a sociopath isn’t a casual connection. We’re deeply all-the-way in. We want the fairy tale to stay perfect. We hang on tenaciously even as we feel it shifting under our feet. We’re worried about connecting on a deeper level, maybe going to counseling together.
Concern about maintaining a home, paying bills, not wanting to break-up a family or fearing for our own future all keep us “in”. The things that string us along are subtle and hard to grab a hold of; sociopaths trap us in ordinary conversation by activating our normal emotional responses.
As decent, normal human beings when someone talks we feel we’re meant to listen. When someone asks a question we’re socially, culturally and innately programmed to give an answer. Never diminish the complete wrongness of any abuse. – Sociopaths are naturals at it because they don’t value us, or care for us. There’s no human connection.
Read 8 Evasion Tactics Narcissists Use To Stop You From Questioning Them
Narcissistic Users, Sociopaths Don’t Care Which Emotion Hooks Us
Our response to their actions is a sign we’re hooked. That’s all they need.
1. Emotional Distractions:
– Humiliating us.
– Laughing at us.
– Putting us down.
– Calling us names.
– Making us feel guilty.
– Diminishing our feelings.
– Making us think we’re crazy.
– The silent treatment, ignoring us.
– Taking things, plans or privileges away.
– Treating us very well (only) in front of other people.
– Accusing and blaming us for things going wrong or failing.
– Comparing us to their last girlfriend or wife, who did things better.
2. Intimidation and Isolation:
– Making us afraid by using looks or gestures.
– Slamming doors, breaking things, throwing things.
– Yelling, scolding, ordering or driving us to do or not do something.
– Talking about killing and violence. Displaying weapons or physical force in any way.
– Telling us who our friends can be.
– Trying to keep us from family members.
– Creating an “us” and “them” existence.
– Acting jealous of our time, people we see.
– Using his jealousy to justify control of us.
– Manipulating where we go, when we must be home.
– Rules about or insinuating when we should or shouldn’t go out.
– Controlling anything: what we read, watch, social media, phone time.
– Avoiding meeting or seeing our family. Keeping us from their family.
– Having friends they won’t let us meet, places they won’t let us go with them.
– Having a friend who is held up as having the authority of opinion about our relationship.
3. Minimizing, Denying and Blaming:
– Belittling our ideas, feelings, opinions.
– Denying that things important to us, matter.
– Dismissing or ignoring or making fun of or being angered at what’s important to us.
– Setting us up to think everything is our fault.
– (Faking) illness to keep from talking about our concerns.
– Insulting how we take care of the home, kids or spend our time.
– Telling us it’s our fault they’re mean, or that things are going wrong.
– Using intimidation or belittling to keep us quiet about what concerns us.
Read Why Do Narcissists Behave The Way They Do
4. Coercion and Threats:
– Threatening to commit suicide.
– Threats to report us to authorities.
– Making us drop charges against them.
– Sociopaths pretend illness to control us.
– Making or carrying out threats to harm, hurt or leave us.
– Telling us we get something only if we do something specific.
– Coercing us or charming us to do illegal or reprehensible things.
“Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke.”
