5. Slowly the changes start to bother you.
It is no more subtle. It is more direct, obnoxious and disrespectful. They start blaming you for trying to contact you, trying to voice your concerns. The criticisms and blaming goes one notch higher when you approach them about their ill-treatment. Name-calling starts with calling you ‘crazy’, ‘psycho’ and hyper-sensitive person.
They tell you that you are impossible to be with and that you are an emotionally unstable person. You desperately try to save the dying relationship by pleading, crying, begging and denying and distorting reality. You find yourself crying, pleading, and denying reality. This person has become your entire life. This person has become the center of your universe and you cannot afford to give up on this perfect relationship. But this is an emotional abuser’s trap.
6. You are now increasingly searching for ways to put all the pieces together.
You are doing this to know what is transpiring between you and the abuser. You finally discover that this person is simply playing with your emotions, twisting the truth and trying to prove you ‘mad’. In retrospect, now you can understand that you are being manipulated. You increasingly get angry, disheartened and resented. You have to realize it’s an emotional abuser’s trap.
7. Now the trap is, ironically no one believes you.
Especially after the positive enthusiasm regarding the relationship, nobody believes your story of being the victim. They believe that you are at fault because you sound crazy, judgemental and bitter at handling rejection. You are left wondering as to what happened between you two during the 1, 2,3 and 4 stages.
It is pathetic as to how even people close to you are going to triangulate you to take the narcissist’s side. It seems that they keep the power to seduce anyone into their hypnotic charm and make others instantly believe in them. The narcissist in indestructible. You can by no means cease their treachery and finally, they will checkmate you.
Recovering from this abuse is heinous, non-linear and at times, feels never-ending. I am a year into healing and it’s still inching along. – Veronica Christina
Do not ever try to clarify yourself to the other people. They will most often than not misunderstand you and will take this as casual relationship conflict. But in your heart you know what you are going through is a soul-sucking experience, draining you of the zeal to live. You can share this with communities dedicated to working for people who have undergone similar types of psychological abuse. The least you need to hear right now when you are struggling to regain your self-confidence, self-worth and mental strength is ‘all will be fine.”, “hold on” or “it’s just another break-up”.
Cut all contacts with this emotional abuser. Make sure they get no assess to your life from any mode. If needed, cut him off all the social media. There should be no need for you to explain yourself to this abuser. You need to only divert all your attention towards the self not towards the abuser as you did.
You are not alone. You have all the ability and strength to move out of this mess. You have to speak up for yourself. You can surely get rid of an emotional abuser’s trap.
Trauma is personal. It does not disappear if it is not validated. When it is ignored or invalidated the silent screams continue internally heard only by the one held captive. When someone enters the pain and hears the screams healing can begin.― Danielle Bernock
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