Level 3: Universally Acceptable Questions:
- “Where’d you get those great shoes?”
- “Anything fun planned this weekend?”
- “Going anywhere this summer?”
Level 4: Universally Acceptable Non-personal Disclosures:
- “Jimmy Fallon was hilarious last night–did you see the bit with Reese Witherspoon?”
- “That new taqueria around the corner is amazing–you have to try the carnitas. Except the guacamole is weird–I think they put yogurt in it.”
- “I saw my ophthalmologist for an appointment this morning and she said she just bought a self-driving car–I didn’t realize those were even on the market yet.”
Level 5: Universally Acceptable Personal Disclosures:
- 1.“I was in a costume store the other day and I had no idea what half the kids’ costumes were. The guy who worked there told me they were Fortnite characters. I feel so old.”
- “I took my niece to the aquarium on Saturday and was mesmerized by the penguins. I could have stared at them for an hour.”
- “I went to Costco on Sunday afternoon and it was so crazy that when I got home, I had to lie down.”
Level 6: Private Personal Disclosures:
- “I’m having trouble with my 8-year old talking back–I’ve tried everything and I’m not sure what to do next.”
- “I have to give a presentation in twenty minutes and I feel like I’m going to throw up. I’m gonna go lock myself in a bathroom stall and breathe for a few minutes.”
- “Argh, I’m so mad at our boss–listen to what she said to me!”
Level 7: Vulnerable Private Personal Disclosures
- “I think I need to quit drinking.”
- “I thought losing 50 pounds last year would magically solve all my problems, but I still feel lousy.”
- “I really like you.”
Level 8: Deepest Disclosures
- “I’ve never said this to anyone before, but…”
- “I can’t do this anymore.”
- “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
How deep you go with pretty much anyone else is up to you. As long as it’s reciprocal and you’re both at roughly the same level of sharing, you can feel safe trying out the next level.
Far from coming off as annoying, you’ll come off as open, honest, and friendly. You’ll feel more connected. And who knows, you might even get an equivalent disclosure in return.
Let me know how it goes!
Written by: Ellen Hendriksen
Originally appeared on: Ellen Hendriksen
Republished with permission.
Do you want to conquer social anxiety and want to be your true self? Then, How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety, would be the best book to read.