This manipulation tactic involved here is pure evil. Here’s how this trust-betrayal abuse cycle works:
- The All-Giver trusts the All-Taker over themselves.
- The Trust is Broken by the All-Taker. The All-Giver feels betrayed.
- The All-Giver is blamed they aren’t giving enough. If the All-Giver says “I am trying!” then the All-Taker responds with the equivalent of “No! You aren’t trying hard enough!”. Doubt is inflicted onto the All-Giver which was the All-Takers goal all along.
- The doubt becomes an argument from ignorance, the king of all logical fallacies. “I don’t know if I could do more… Maybe I could’ve done more?”. The All-Giver doesn’t trust in themselves.
- The All-Giver is being Destructively Conditioned.
All of this amounts to one dark twisted psychological game of “King of the Mountain” that the Egopath plays. Also known as King of the Castle or King of the Hill, it is a children’s game where The King stands on higher ground to literally be above everyone else. The King must push down others to keep themself above the others. And at the end of the game, the King “wins”.
The entire relationship, any relationship, is just a game to them. Even you, you’re just a game to them. Brings a bit more understanding of the phrase “you got played”. You were played, manipulated into being an All-Giver.
The All-Givers are always guilty of prioritizing the Egopath and the toxic relationship over themselves including their mental health. The All-Giver literally gives it their all, again and again, and again and again and again ad infinitum.
But it was never enough and they keep giving. If they knew they were playing this role and its consequences, they’d undoubtedly stop their self-defeating and self-destructive behavior.
The Egopath has to win all these one-upmanship type games. When they have “won”, they no longer have any reason to stick around a “loser” like you. The Egopath immediately claims their trophy which is stealing the credit for trying to save the relationship as they move onto their next victim within a matter of nanoseconds, discarding you (usually temporarily) out of boredom now that their game is won and now you’re no fun, you’re just a crazy paranoid ex of mine, nyah nyah nyah boo boo!
You gave up everything over and over to be their nothing. They’ll be back to see if you have something worth destroying by playing the same game again. In their eyes, you are to remain nothing forever, with them ALWAYS making sure of it. Don’t allow yourself to think you didn’t give your all, you did, you were an ALL-GIVER! If you’re giving your all to someone and it’s not enough, UNDERSTAND you’re giving it to the wrong person.
If you find yourself fighting for someone or your relationship and are still being blamed for everything. Realize that’s not healthy, you need to get away from that toxic person. You need to examine what you’ve been sacrificing so you can stop sacrificing it.
This helps you stop being lost in the role and allows you to see the true nature of someone that doesn’t really love you or even care about you. It hurts. It hurts a lot. But it’s better than hurting as a Broken Empath. You must prevent becoming a Broken Empath at all costs, no price is too great to save your very soul. Be a winner, see the gain, not the pain.
If you find yourself in the role of an All-Giver, trying to be a rescuer, rescuing them, and the relationship… I have words for you which I believe you’ll find liberating, freeing you from your mental servitude:
Egopaths aren’t broken, THEY ARE EVIL. A broken person can be fixed. An evil person cannot. An evil person causes pain, they hurt others. They do this deliberately, the chaos, the torment, the lies. A Broken person would never do any of those things because they know how it feels to be on the other side of those actions.