Propose that you each agree to set aside some time within the next few days to be together without any distractions for at least a couple of hours without any agenda other than to share an experience that you both enjoy, such as taking a walk, enjoying a meal together, cuddling in bed or on the sofa, taking a bike ride together, dancing, or any activity that brings pleasure to you both.
Note: this is not intended to be a time to “work on your relationship” or deal with any unresolved issues, but rather, a time to experience ease, pleasure, and enjoyment together. If any difficulties or issues arise, agree to put them aside for the time being and try to come to an agreement about a time at which you can address them.
Do NOT include anyone else in this experience.
Keep in mind that working out the differences that impair emotional intimacy requires skill, sensitivity, honesty, practice, and the courage to be vulnerable and non-defensive. By all means, do the best that you can do to work things out together, but if your efforts fail to bring about the outcome that you desire, consider getting professional help rather than giving up or continuing to interact in ways that are damaging the relationship.
Most situations, even those that are long-standing and entrenched, can be worked out if there is a willingness to do the work that is required. The earlier the intervention is in the breakdown, the less time it takes to successfully repair the damage.
When each person is willing to do their part to clean up the areas of neglect of the relationship, the results of their efforts can seem miraculous. Relationships can be transformed when the light of the truth is shined upon the darkness of neglect and both partners begin to experience the pleasure that has been absent from their relationship once again.
The benefits of healing IDD can last a lifetime and can mean the difference between living in a tolerable arrangement or a loving, thriving, and joy-filled partnership.
Think about it. And then do something!
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Written by Linda and Charlie Bloom
This post is a compilation of 2 posts on Psychology Today
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