By owning your own contributions (both good and bad) to your marriage, you plant seeds for enduring love in the future. Again, an affirmation of your determination that you are going to be OK.
Second, thoughtfully, carefully create your environment. Not just your physical environment, but your social and support environment.
Yes, it’s time to clean house. And that doesn’t have to mean tossing people out of your life. Some relationships may not support your values and direction anymore. In those cases, it may serve you best to let those people go, always with a conscious wish for their highest good.
Some relationships may just need some dusting off. Perhaps there are single friends you have ignored because you were busy hanging with other married couples. You may feel your heartstrings pulled in their direction, with a call to make amends if necessary.
And some of the best relationships are yet to be. They will evolve out of and because of your circumstances. Yes, your life is a mess after divorce. But you don’t have to clean it up alone.
Because you are doing fearless work “on the inside,” you are opening your life to more authentic relationships “on the outside.” Be open. Be ready. Be willing.
And don’t ignore the benefits that can come from bringing a professional along for your journey. You have a ton of unfamiliar weight on your shoulders. Someone like a therapist or divorce coach can show you how to carry it. And others going through the same thing can offer immense (and uplifting) camaraderie through support groups.
Finally, give yourself permission to come out of your role as a married person. Sure, you may want to go back into that role again one day. But this is your time to revisit all the wonderful attitudes and attributes that once made you excited about life.
This is your time to re-engage with your creativity. Believe it or not, a little craft or wood glue, glitter or Glidden, home-decorating or renovation, and museum-tripping can accelerate the healing process. Involve your kids. Enrol in a class. Find your own outlet and watch your creative juices flow into all areas of your life.
What matters is that this is the time to revitalize those aspects of you that may have been sacrificed along the way.
Creativity as a mindset has a way of shifting your perspective on everything. It is, in essence, an attitude of possibility.
Suddenly a mountain hike with your kids to watch hawks swoop overhead is as satisfying as the overseas vacation you can’t afford right now. Your home becomes a perfect canvas to create your own utopian oasis. Your limited finances make you discover and dig into your own resourcefulness.
Your perspective shifts. You lead with gratitude. You remain in the moment because it is rich with possibility.
And, without realizing it, the negativity dissolves and opens up space for all that can be. All that will be.
Today you may be saying, “My life is a mess after divorce.” But tomorrow you will be saying, “I truly love my life after divorce.”
Written by: Dr Karen Finn Originally appeared on drkarenfinn.com and is republished here with permission. Dr Karen Finn is a divorce life coach. She helps her clients navigate the challenges of divorce – from the moment it enters their mind as a possible solution for the discontent they feel in their marriage (it’s not always the best answer), through the turmoil of divorce to creating a fulfilling life post-divorce. To learn more about Karen and how you can work with her, visit her website.