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5 Steps To Change the Way You Perceive Yourself

Steps Change Way You Perceive Yourself

5 Steps To Change the Way You Perceive Yourself

This is how to do it:

1. Stop projecting an image onto another person of who you think they are.

Be still. Listen to what they say. Watch what they do. If what they say aligns with what they do you can trust that they are who they say they are. If not, then what they do gives you the more important clues.

Narcissists will say one thing: ‘you’re the only one for me’ yet their abusive actions reveal the truth. While you’re projecting a rosy picture onto them, you’re ignoring reality. The red flags and warning signs.

2. Stop projecting an image onto another person of who you think they might be in the future.

This is why we change our behavior, instead of allowing them to be accountable for their actions. ‘If I do X then they’ll be happy’, we fool ourselves into believing. ‘If I do Y, then they’ll change and everything will be okay’ we convince ourselves.

Our image of who they ‘really are’ deep down inside excuses them for the bad behavior of the actual person we are seeing. Whilst we absolve them of blame, we enable them to continue abusing us.

Related: How To Build Your Belief In Yourself

3. Listen to your inner dialogue. Your inner voice.

What is she (or he) saying? Is it something you’d say to someone you care about? To a good friend? Is it helpful? Or is it negative? Does is tell you: ‘You are…’ this or that? Like: ‘You’re stupid’, ‘You’re ugly’.

Instead of the healthier wording: ‘You’re a smart person. You just did a stupid thing’? Or: ‘You’re beautiful. Are you just having a bad hair day’?

How You Perceive Yourself
How You Perceive Yourself

4. Rewrite your script.

Just because you do something stupid doesn’t mean you are stupid. Being blamed for abusive behavior and told no-one else would have you doesn’t mean you deserve it or that you are unlovable.

We don’t have to own what someone else is telling us either. It’s their opinion, that’s all. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ we can say. It doesn’t mean we have to argue with them, defend ourselves, or agree.

5. Call that inner voice out.

The first step is to be aware of what your inner voice is telling you. Once you are you’ll be amazed how noisy it is inside your head. But when you hear it, listen to what it is saying.

Call that voice out on anything negative and unhelpful. Replace it with a more positive affirmation. Be kind to yourself. Don’t be hard on yourself when you slip back into those feelings of inner shame. It takes time to change our story. But it can be done.

That is all it is. A story. A perception of ourselves that is wrong. One that is getting in our own way. A perception of someone else that is false. We’re not seeing them for who they really are.

When I saw that recent photo and was pleasantly surprised, it was a good reminder to me I still have to keep myself in check. Even though I’ve spent years recovering from abuse. Even though I have found a strong sense of self-worth and self-esteem, my perception of who I am can still hinder me. Instead, I need it to nurture me.

Related: 5 Big Life Questions Every Smart Woman Should Be Able To Answer

So, now I wonder how it will be when I am 90 and look back at the younger self I am today. What a waste it would be if I kick myself for not seeing how lovely I look now. Compared to my more wrinkled, elderly self then.

Beauty may be wasted on the young. I’m not going to let it be wasted now, in my middle age.

Is your story helpful or hurtful to you? Let me know in the comments below.

Originally appeared on
Written by Vivian Mc Grath

5 Steps To Change the Way
5 Steps To Change the Way You Perceive Yourself
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5 Steps To Change the Way You Perceive Yourself
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Vivian McGrath

Vivian McGrath is a TV Exec Producer making documentaries for US/UK and Australian television networks. She’s a survivor of domestic violence, motivational speaker and empowerment coach. It’s her mission to help women recover from abusive relationships, fall back in love with themselves and never settle for anything less than they deserve again! Watch her free Masterclass here: Author posts