Allow yourself to witness and observe your emotions with kind attention and patience, giving them the latitude to morph, and in many cases, completely evaporate.
To embrace this process, ask yourself:
“What and where is this feeling? What do I need now?
How can I nurture it? What can I do for my partner?
What can my partner do for me? How can we, as a couple, turn toward one another with acts of loving-kindness?”
Asking these focused questions and responding, in turn, will go a long way to promote empathy, compassion, and connection within your relationship.
5. Inquire and investigate
After you have calmed and soothed yourself from the impact of your emotions, take a moment to delve deeply and explore what happened.
Ask yourself: “What triggered me?
What is causing me to feel this way? What is the discomfort I’m experiencing and where is it arising?
Was it as result of my critical mind, or was it in reaction to something my partner said or did?”
Perhaps you had a hard day at work or difficulty dealing with your family. Maybe you feel unappreciated, lonely, or disconnected as a result of your interactions with someone.
Whatever the cause or trigger, look at it closely and ask yourself, “What is happening here?”
Consider what was said or done and compare it to your values.
What were your expectations surrounding the situation?
What reactions or judgments caused you to become angry or anxious? Is this a pattern that keeps arising?
Asking yourself these critical questions and investigating the root of your difficult emotions will help you gain empathy and insight into what you are experiencing.
Taking yourself off autopilot and trusting your deepest, authentic self to answer these questions about your situation will create a space to see things with a different perspective. This will ultimately allow both you and your partner to be more present and connected with each other.
6. Let go of the need to control your emotions
The key to mindfully dealing with your difficult emotions is to let go of your need to control them. Instead, be open to the outcome and what unfolds.
Step outside of yourself and really listen to what your partner is feeling and what he or she has to say. Only then will you truly gain an in-depth understanding of your emotions and the interactions surrounding them within your relationship.
Mindfully dealing with emotions is hard and it takes time. Be kind, compassionate, and patient with yourself and your partner. You’re in this together!
As Dr. John Gottman has said, “In a good relationship people get angry, but in a very different way. The Marriage Masters see a problem a bit like a soccer ball. They kick it around. It’s ‘our’ problem.”
We are fortunate that we live in a world where you and your partner can take the time to explore, discuss, and learn about mindfulness and your emotions. Take nothing for granted, for life is fragile and fleeting!
Try out these six strategies to deal with your difficult emotions that are troubling you in the relationships!
Related video: 9 Differences Between True Love And Emotional Dependency
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