5 Devaluation Triggers Of A Narcissist

devaluation triggers of a narc

5. Total Control

You are aware that we want to control you. This is fundamental to the dynamic between us. Yet, as a further example of the double standards that we engage in, we want to control you and if you disobey us we will commence your devaluation but furthermore, if we believe we have obtained total control over you then we will similarly commence your devaluation because we know that you will do anything that we want and we will just use you to validate ourselves in the event that other, more exciting prospects do not fuel us during the course of the day.

You become relegated to the reliable and dependable because you are actually doing precisely what we want, but through our warped logic, this equates to you no longer being special. Thus we need to make you special to us once again and we do this through devaluation.

We will not cast you aside when we have achieved total control, not at all. This state of affairs brings with it considerable benefits but they will now be channelled through the filter of devaluation and not idealisation. It is symptomatic of the bizarre (when judged from your perspective) logic we apply that when you finally do the very thing we want, we turn against you and begin your evaluation.

Related: 3 Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Idealize, Devalue, Discard

How do you deal with all of this? The short answer is you cannot. Any of these five reasons may suddenly apply without warning and your devaluation starts. You cannot avoid it and you could not avoid it. You did nothing wrong, but you did everything wrong from our worldview. There is nothing you can do to avoid this happening because once the trigger happens, the devaluation will follow.

The thing you can draw the greatest solace from however is that in knowing this is how we are, in knowing that there was nothing you can do or you could have done to have changed the outcome, you at least now have this knowledge and through it, you can attain freedom from the doubt, uncertainty and sheer bewilderment of wondering why it happened.


Written by HG Tudor 
Originally appeared on Narcsite
Republished with permission
devaluation triggers of a narc pinop
5 Devaluation Triggers Of A Narcissist
devaluation triggers of a narc pin
5 Devaluation Triggers Of A Narcissist
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