There are different types of depression, and depressive disorders. They can range in symptoms from minor through to major and severe.
In my experience, I had no idea of these symptoms, nor of the effect, and who else would be affected when I went through depression. Growing up in an orphanage started it for me after my father passed away.
It was not a pleasant experience. In my thoughts, I was unsure what was going on and what would happen to me. I felt so lost. I did not know anything about living in an orphanage. All I knew was that I was away from my Mum and from the people I love to be with and who loved me.
Living life as I had at the orphanage left me feeling uncertain, I felt lost, I felt unsafe, and I lived in fear… Not to mention the mental, emotional, and physical abuse that I was subjected to and had never expected to happen, but it happened…
I got to a point where I ran away from the orphanage and ran to where my biological Mum lived. I could no longer put up with the harmful things they were doing to us at the orphanage which made my life unsafe.
My husband later revealed to me all the lies that they had told him against me while I was still in the orphanage as he was building a relationship with me through courtship. I knew that I just had to say to God my Father in heaven that if it is His will for me to be married to this man then let it be done according to what He says.
I continued to live with my mum after running away from the orphanage, not knowing or realizing that I was depressed. I know I was abused and hurt and that’s how it started. I did not know that there was a cure for it or that I could be medicated, or healed from this illness. When I came to Australia in 1998 and got married I was still suffering from depression, but the cruel thing is that I did not know.
I did not have a clue until I started to work and met people that were worse than those in the orphanage. When they realized that I grew up in an orphanage, I was badly bullied. I did not know at this stage that this is what you called bullies. I knew nothing about freedom of speech and my rights here in this new country I had come into. I thought Australia was a beautiful big Island with friendly people.
I kept silent because I thought this was the best course of action from having an escalating fight, and because I did not know how to respond, and did not have the courage to speak up and stand for the truth.
It came to a point where the bullies became too much for me, and as it continued to escalate it pushed me into suffering severe depression and I became mentally ill and had a psychotic episode… If I had known how to deal with it, and that I was suffering from depression for such a long time things might have been different.
Doctors placed me into a mental health hospital and put me in a room by myself, which I realize now wasn’t helpful because it just made me even more afraid because I was by myself. I really didn’t know what was going on…
To be honest, I was ill, and I thought that these people were trying to hurt me. I did not know exactly what was going on, and I did not want to take the medication that they gave me because I did not trust them I didn’t know them, and I thought that they were hurting me again and putting me to sleep.
I was alright taking my medication from the chemist, but sometimes I stopped taking them because I thought I was better, and I felt well. I thought I didn’t need the medication anymore, but I was wrong because I had a lack of understanding of how the medication works and how it would help me. I just presumed that; it was okay to stop taking the medications, but I was not accurate.