Toxic people will shun or attack you for speaking about child abuse. Childhood trauma is still a taboo and “norm” in today’s society – and talking “bad,” i.e., the truth, about the people who had power over you (your teachers, priests, and especially family members) is not acceptable. So it’s understandable that even though some people acknowledge the truth on some level, they still might be afraid to talk about this topic openly.
7. Parental guilt
It’s even harder to look into the topic of childhood trauma if you already have your own children. In this case, you’re not only dealing with all those complex challenges mentioned above, but there is an additional layer of difficulty: parental responsibility. If you have children before resolving your own personal history and healing your inner wounds, you’ll inevitably traumatize them (it doesn’t matter whether it happens deliberately or ignorantly and with the best of intentions – see Reason #2).
If you’re a parent, then this subject is extremely difficult to explore because you’re not only processing your relationship with yourself, your parents, teachers, friends, romantic partners, society in general, but also with your child – a person that you’re responsible for.
To understand that you have suffered decades of severe trauma and that you have numerous inner wounds is hard enough. But if you have your own child and you start to acknowledge the trauma they have suffered because of you, then this whole process is exceedingly difficult.
8. Lack of empathy
I have written about empathy in my previous articles called “Empathy And Laughing At Others’ Misery” and “The Cycle of Child Abuse and How to End It” therefore I won’t repeat myself here. But in short, empathy is probably one of the most important factors in ending the cycle of child abuse and living a truly prosperous life.
You can’t feel genuine empathy or sympathy towards others if you are emotionally detached from yourself and your child-self. And you can’t have genuine self-empathy or sympathize with yourself if you haven’t done a significant amount of self-work.
Probably there are more reasons why people deny childhood trauma and its effects, and, as you can see, they are interrelated.
The denial of childhood trauma links to fear/safety (“It’s not safe to think or talk about this and feel how I feel”), and to the dysfunction of one’s emotional and cognitive apparatus in general. This is an extremely painful sphere to explore, and doing so requires a lot of courage, mental capacity, strength, determination, patience, support, and other resources.
So, for those of you who are on this self-archeological journey, who are courageously trying to end the cycle of child abuse, heal, and prosper – I admire you! I know from experience how difficult it is; it can be a very painful, sad, lonely, stressful, and sometimes seemingly hopeless experience, so I really admire your courage.
Written by Darius Cikanavicius
Originally appeared in Self-Archeology