Unworthiness (“I am a failure”).
This technique can be applied to countless feelings and after a while, you might find a pattern emerging that will allow you to discover the main thread of your core wound.
2. Somatic/Bodily Mindfulness
Not everyone is able to become aware of what they are emotionally feeling in the present moment, which is where somatic mindfulness comes in handy.
Somatic mindfulness is basically the practice of stopping throughout the day and scanning your body for tension and illness. You might like to create alerts on your phone or work calendar to remind you, or you might simply like to stop and assess your body whenever you feel discomfort.
For example, if I felt my heart pounding and my hands sweating in the presence of other people I might like to examine this feeling in the present moment, or later after the feeling has left. I might discover that my pounding heart and sweating hands were a result of my nervousness around others. I might go deeper and ask why I feel that way and discover that I’m scared of what other people think of me. Still, I might go deeper and ask why I am so scared of what they think and discover one (or all) of the following core beliefs:
“I am stupid”
“I am unacceptable”
“I am embarrassing/shameful”
Somatic mindfulness is best practiced after learning how to completely relax your body, perhaps in a nightly bath of warm water, or through a daily relaxation practice such as mindfulness or meditation. Otherwise, if your body is constantly tense, you will find it difficult to be conscious of the physical changes that occur throughout the day.
3. Solitude and Introspection
This final technique is simple to do and only requires making time to be alone each day.
Ideally, the easiest practice during this solitary time is to keep a daily journal where you record your thoughts and feelings. This is a useful practice for visual and auditory learners as you can make use of the mechanisms of introspective writing, illustrating, and brain-storming.
For example, you might like to write in your journal:
My friend made me feel sad, angry, and insecure without knowing it today when she said that “I should dedicate more time to myself.”
Then you might like to explore this feeling in the following way directed by the main question “Why?“:
“I should dedicate more time to myself” –> (why?) –> makes me feel embarrassed –> (why?) –> makes me feel ashamed –> (why?) –> makes me feel pathetic –> (why?) –> makes me feel unworthy = This statement from my friend reminded me of how poorly I feel about myself, that “I am unworthy” and that “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
There’s an endless array of ways to dissect and dig to the depths of how you feel during solitude and introspection. For example, other methods you could use include Venn diagrams, thought pyramids, dialogue with your inner parts (or archetypes), or simply writing freely until your thoughts begin to flow and reveal interesting discoveries.
I hope these techniques help you to discover your core wounds. Remember that simply uncovering your core wound isn’t the end of the journey. You’ll need to replace these core wounds with the practices of self-love. The more self-love you develop, the more these inner wounds will heal and be transformed. Read our ultimate guide on how to love yourself more in order to keep moving forward on this healing journey.
What do you think your core wound might be? How do you think it has shaped you? What is the major lesson you can learn from it? I’d love to hear below!