“You must say goodbye before you can say hello. You cannot say hello before you say goodbye.
Grieving is a social experience. You cannot grieve alone.
You must do it with significant others.
You cannot live until you are willing to die. Fear of death stops one from fully living.”
These words written by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler –Ross really struck a cord with me this month. Here she is describing the process of dealing with physical death. I am seeing how this mirrors the spiritual process of the death of the ego.
It has been an exceptional month for personal process.
This is my work- helping others process all their unconscious baggage so they can live life fully from their True Essence within rather than obscuring this from their own knowing by conditioned beliefs that limit them and karmic propensities that are little understood.
This type of work can be quite a responsibility and not for the faint hearted. It means often that one is the target of transference – In this case this is a psychological term that means you are being seen and related to not for who you truly are, but for what you may represent for another as seen through their particular lens based on their conditioning. It can be positive and also negative. In the negative version irrational feelings and attitudes from the past are projected onto another in the present.
Most people are doing this 95 % of the time. Most people live most of their lives not in the truth of the present moment but in the shadows of the past or the fantasy of a future that has not yet been created.
Until of course they take ownership of their own filter, accountability for their own actions or non- actions and get down to the real business of transcending their ego.
This month’s transference has shown up in those who are unable to allow their own feminine energy to become fully present and integrated into the psyche and are busy ‘killing’ her off in order to satisfy the ego’s requirements for self- esteem and value.An easy one for me to spot as I spent half a lifetime doing the same thing.
This becomes projected out on to whomever and whatever circumstance is representing the feminine in their reality.
The transference is based on inadequate mirroring in childhood from the mother. How it shows up depends on whichever is the egoic need that has not been fulfilled in early childhood specifically by the female caregiver/parent. This can be lack of nurturance or the inability of the caregiver to acknowledge and validate the child in its natural expression. i.e. “you need to become something different, better etc then I will love you.”
If you have done your work around these issues and carry the beautiful Divine Feminine (men and women) in a balanced way within your energy field, this is sensed by the imbalanced energy of other who will start unconsciously pulling in energy from your field and one can either be viewed as a mother figure for those in need of nurturance or can be reviled and rejected as the representation of the feminine energy that has not acknowledged and mirrored the child’s need for validation in the early years. Either way neither is true and sadly colors relationship with the feminine in the future life.This applies to men and women alike. We are speaking of energies here not gender.
You will see from these examples why there is so much need for the energy of the Feminine to be brought forth in all human beings in these times of the great transition and why it is this energy that will “save the world” as the Dalai Lama so famously said.
I believe by this he meant when men and women are able to own their issues around these traumas of the psyche and empower rather than decimate their own feminine energy instead of moving into either co- dependence to take it from another or obliteration tactics that subdue any need for accountability – then the world will save itself.
It requires great vulnerability and courage to own these pieces in our selves. It means we have to move out of negation and resistance and admit this to our own conscious awareness before we can transmute the discordant energy. We are required to drop the negative pleasure we get from staying in our familiar responses to the old triggers.