I’m not sure what to call you, i don’t want to put labels on it, it generates expectations…but I see you. When I sleep I visit you, or you visit me. I often think i visit alternative realities and just observe, but last night I saw YOU. I love you and I see the inner you. You are disconnected, you’re misfiring. I see sparks, they are near the top of your spine, like sparks jumping off the top of your head. Your connection is somehow severed or missing an important link. You cant feel everything you out to. I know I don’t have to love you in this life time, specially not after all that’s happened, but somewhere else, in another space, I see you and just want to melt into you. To give you my heart that is beating so strong and help you come out of the darkness you seem to be in. To pull you out and lift you up above the clouds.
Last night I felt like I was caring your child. So many times I used to dream we would share such an emotion together. Funny what expectations can do. Manifesting gone wonky. This beautiful being you helped create that you don’t get to experience, because you simply cant see. You are not meant to I suppose. The vibration you still carry has so much density, so much history. You carry such a burden and I’m not even sure you know why. All I want to do is help you unload, but it is not my burden. Even if you did it all for me and the duality we must experience, it is still not my burden to sort through. I have my own, tortured, agonizing experiences to filter through and heal from. But when I’m in your arms…
You are always tall and can always hold me in your embrace as if you are covering me with a cloak. I remember many of the lives we share together and you always seem to tower over me. Perhaps its why I’m always longing for it. Your hands, your skin, your embrace, even in our darkest moments those brief embraces bring me to a space I recognize.
My ego kicks in and tells me you are dragging me down, lowering me to a 3D state, but then I remind myself; I’m the only one that can do that. I can empathize but I don’t have to join you in your reality..your sadness. You ARE enough, do you know that? No, you don’t. Thank you though, for helping me remember just how magickal I truly am. Thank you for lighting a fire under me so to speak that forced me to realign with the path I had set up for myself. Thank you for all that had to happen for me to find myself in this moment right now. Happy, grateful, aware and humble. The arrogance of my egotistical expectations washed away in the experiences we shared.
I remember you when I was a teen, bashful yet longing to look at you. I remember now why, the magnificence that you leave behind. It towers over you, even now, as you crumble to the floor like a wounded child. I remember you fully erect and steadfast, no one could touch you. I remember you kind but I also remember you angry, and bitter…a life time I wasn’t there to understand what happened to turn your perspective to such a fear filled view. They tell me I was your daughter, lost, no, stolen. An attachment that left you feeling useless, guilty. . perhaps so much more that took place too.