5. Getting upset at her isn’t exactly going to change her mind.
If she already was leaning away from you, you’re not exactly making her change her impression of you by freaking out and getting angry. Do you think she’s going to hear you call her a stuck-up bitch and say, “Oh, maybe I was wrong about him? Maybe he is the kind of charming, considerate, affectionate man I’ve been looking for after all!” We need to earn our place in their lives through love and respect, not intimidation.
6. It might not be about you at all.
Maybe she’s just exhausted. Or just got out of a relationship. Or is just getting over a cold. Or one of her parents is gravely ill. Or you remind her too much of her ex. Or her father. Or she’s in the middle of a job change. But to assume it’s always because she deems you unworthy is not only often inaccurate, but smacks of insecurity and self-pity–two characteristics that will make sure she’s not interested.
7. You’re screwing it up for the rest of us.
If your over-reacting fills her with a heightened fear of men, then she’ll be less likely to open her heart to the next guy. So not only will she miss out on possible romance, but so will your fellow men whom she’s too gun shy now to even consider.
You’re also screwing it up for all the boys and young men out there in your life who are watching you, observing you are learning from your behavior when you get rebuffed by a woman. And you can change those abuse numbers. Those rape numbers. Those homicide numbers. Even if just a little, by simply starting to take the everyday reaction of “Sorry, I’m not interested” with more maturity and aplomb.
Start today: go ask a woman out. Have her say no thanks. Then smile and love along. And don’t complain about her, don’t call her stuck up or a “bitch,” don’t over-think it and assume she thinks she’s better than you. And don’t be surprised if she comes tracking you down later wondering why you moved on so easily.
8. If you can’t handle rejection from women, how will you handle it elsewhere?
Any life spent chasing goals is going to run into some resistance–romantic pursuits aside. If we can’t handle when a woman says she’s not interested, how will handle it when an employer says the same thing? Or when a bank says they won’t approve our loan? When we get injured and can no longer run the marathon we’ve trained months for? Or when we fall prey to layoffs during a bad economy and find ourselves unexpectedly unemployed?
How we handle rejection in our romantic lives is a good barometer of how well we’ll adapt when our personal or professional goals meet resistance, too. Making our romantic dreams come to fruition isn’t so different from doing so with any other goal. Sometimes you don’t get the result you want. But it doesn’t mean some other wonderful result isn’t still possible for us. We just need to accept the things we can’t change, yet have the courage to change the ones we can.
And often that “thing” that needs to be changed is simply our attitude.
Written by Mark Radcliffe
Originally appeared in The Goodmen Project
Attraction, love, and romance are fickle things. It’s not necessary that if you have feelings for someone, they will feel the same way about you. That’s just how things are. When we are able to handle romantic rejection in a respectable and dignified way, we can deal with resistance in other aspects of our lives with peace and maturity as well.
Moreover, when we learn to better cope with rejection from women, we contribute towards creating an environment where women can feel empowered about choosing the partner they want. Only men can make women feel free from being afraid of how a man will react if he is rejected.
Rejection is hurtful for all of us. But this rejection should never lead to fear and abuse that women need to experience. This is never acceptable. It’s time we behave like men and take rejection in our stride.
Want more? Read 5 Common Mistakes Men Make When Approaching Women