Your boundaries are a set of limits or rules where you decide what is acceptable and what is not. They’ll differ from person to person. Normal healthy people know not to cross the line and should have a reasonable idea when not to intrude. On the other hand, the narcissist personality will have absolutely no respect for the boundaries you set. They have an extraordinary knack of pushing people to their limits for their own amusement, to create friction or drama or to test you. Setting boundaries with a narcissist will not be a one-off thing. Expect it to be something that you will have to address time and time again. Communicate your wishes firmly and directly and don’t let them push your buttons. Remain resolute and leave them in no doubt that you mean what you say or things will go back to the way they were before.
Healthy boundaries include ‘alone time’ and time to spend as you see fit. Never let anyone make you feel guilty for setting standards. If they get angry with you for setting standards, they’re not giving you the respect that you deserve. They are the ones with the problem, not you.
Some people will never respect the boundaries you set and will not change their behavior. If they don’t respect your boundaries you may need to examine what position this person will play in your life. You may find that you need to create some distance between you and family members. You are not being selfish or demanding, you’re simply practicing healthy self-care. Not every toxic person needs to be cut out of your life but sadly sometimes, someone may be too toxic to you for you to justify keeping them around.
You can’t change the past but you can take control of your future. It’s not easy to distance yourself from family but sometimes this is the only answer and absolutely necessary. The key is in the intent. You’re not doing this to intentionally hurt or punish someone but to protect yourself so let go of the guilt.
When you cut out toxic people from your life, they will often turn the story around and blame you for the conflict. Hard as it may be, ignore their behavior. Those people who believe their lies and pass judgment without proof may be best avoided too.
Never give up on your own emotional and physical health by tolerating disrespect and abuse by a toxic family member. Sharing the same bloodline simply means you are related but it doesn’t make you family, love does.
“Until you let go of all the toxic people in your life, you will never be able to grow into your fullest potential. Let them go so you can grow.” – DLQ
Dealing with a dysfunctional family can be very hard at times, especially if you are an adult. After all, it is your family. Having a toxic family can often cut you to your core as you feel hurt on a much deeper level. Hence, it is important that you focus on healing yourself and your overall well being, first and foremost. Family can hurt us. But there is no need for you to be a silent victim. You can stand up, take charge of your life and say no to all the negativity and toxicity. Start with setting boundaries and loving yourself with all your heart.
You are the boss of your own life.
Give yourself the permission to do what is best for you.
Here’s a great video on when you need to cut toxic family members from your life to find happiness:
Narcissistic and Emotional Abuse, Shattering the Illusion, now available on Amazon
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