For me, that is relationship anarchy. It is re-writing the relationship story that I’ve been taught. It is creating authentic connections. It is reflecting, and processing emotions, and having hard conversations, and asking that others do the same.
It is creating spaces of safety, and ultimately, spaces of beauty and growth.
This is what makes the work worth it – emotional hangovers and wtf moments and all. It is creating my community.
And maybe that’s the answer. When we don’t date for the traditional outcome, we date for fun and validation and social connection, for sexual exploration, and identity experimentation, and we also date for community. For real, authentic, lifelong connections, in various and complex ways that exist outside of boxes.
Dating without an outcome is also beautiful in it’s own right, in that it can allow us to be more present, and mindful, and exist more fully in our relationships; without expectations, or judgements, or preconceived notions.
So, monogamous or poly or anything in between – question everything. Do the work and trust yourself. Check-in with yourself, and with your partners. And surround yourself with all of the people who create your village.
And remember – love is not finite. It only increases, so give it and receive it as much as you want.
Let’s unlearn the harms together.
Written by Celeste Seiferling
Originally appeared in Thoughts and Ideas
Celeste is a counsellor, relationship coach, and sexual health educator who lives and works in a small prairie city in Canada. She creates activity books for nurturing healthy relationships, and facilitates dance therapy groups for healing sexual trauma. She can usually be found dancing around the kitchen, or cuddling with her rescue pitbull. You can sign up for her newsletter and find more of her work on her website www.celesteseiferling.com, or follow her on instagram https://www.
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