5 Reasons Why You Always End Up Dating The Wrong Person

5. Believing that the Perfect Love Exists

If you know what you need to feel deeply loved in the long term, it is crucial that you do not have a rigid template of perfect love. This is especially true if you have been repeatedly disillusioned by partners who seem to be what you want early in your relationships, but always end up disappointing you in the long run.

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The Perfect love is imperfect in its uniqueness and its ability to transform as life challenges. There are no pre-templates that guarantee its existence or its sustainability. But there are certain virtues that most all long-term successful intimate partners have in common. They may not have the characteristics of the perfect mate in what that means to you right now, but they wear unbelievably well over time.

Yes, there has to be some kind of attraction to any partner you choose. Yes, you want to agree on the important aspects of life’s dreams. Yes, you need to be a team, supporting each other’s commitments. And yes, you have to stay connected to your mutual dreams when times are tough.

But great long-time partners don’t only abide by those classic relationship rules. Long-term desirable partners are just good people everywhere in their lives. They are authentic, accountable, resilient, forgiving, focus on solutions rather than problems, treasure what they have, uninterested in time-wasting, repeated, negative interactions, non-possessive, supportive, un-buyable, self-caring, treasuring souls. They rock with unexpected crises, and they build when things are broken. They learn from mistakes and innovate when they are stuck.

The closer you can become to attaining those characteristics, the better chance you’ll have of attracting someone equally desirable, regardless of the odds.

The perfect love does not happen from a pre-written script that someone else has to buy in to. It is created by two people who keep deepening their love for each other as life happens.

If you try to make an up-front deal with a finished product, you may be forever limited by its initial presentation.


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Written by Randi Gunther Ph.D.
Originally appeared in Randi Gunther, Ph.D.

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5 Reasons Why You Always End Up Dating The Wrong Person

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Dr. Randi Guntherhttp://www.randigunther.com/
In her 40-year-career as a clinical psychologist and marriage counselor, She Had Spent Over 100,000 face-to-face hours with singles and couples helping them to sort out their desires and conflicts about intimate relationships. She Had explored all the reasons why their relationships so often start out euphoric only to crumble and how they can turn those disappointments into future successes. She truly believe that the greatest obstacles standing between you and the love you want is often right before your eyes but you are unable to envision the journey. Her specialty is to help you look at yourself and your relationships with heroic honesty and the willingness to look deeply at yourself and what you bring to a relationship so that you can finally create the kind of transformation that will change you forever. You'll finally understand why you've struggled in love, and what skills you'll need to create the kind of relationship you've always wanted - one in which you fall deeper in love while simultaneously scaling the heights of your individual potential. It's how her husband and She have made their marriage their bedrock for over 60 years. Subscribe to her free advice newsletter at www.heroiclove.com where she'll tell you everything she has learned about finding and keeping a truly heroic relationship.
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