If, many single people aren’t successful because they keep searching or investing in relationships that are not likely to work out, wouldn’t that process be more likely to be successful if they were completely realistic in what they have to offer? If they know who are their likely available prospects, are authentically aware of what they need to keep loving and growing, and have done everything they can to improve their marketability, wouldn’t they have a better chance to find what they seek.
To help you understand how easy it is to be diverted from those more successful encounters, here are some common examples of typically off-the-track experiences that are not likely to develop into significant relationships.
5 Reasons Why You Always End Up Dating The Wrong Person
1. Thinking “Hot” is Better
Though it may be more applicable to the younger crowd, the external package is often a high priority for many relationship seekers. Taking good care of yourself is always a good idea, but basic attractiveness is a God-given attribute and some are just luckier than others.
Because many people put more effort into other valuable characteristics when they are not blessed with the top ten percent of physically desirable traits, they often become more attractive over time. But, if someone is only going to maintain interest if the initial package is hot, that growing appreciation may not have time to happen.
If relationship seekers realistically value their physical package as a “seven” on a one-to-ten but keep reaching for a partner who is a clear “ten,” they are going to have to come into that deal “one-down.” That means they have to constantly compensate with their other assets in order to keep that partner around, and may often find themselves contending with new rivals as others emerge who are “more attractive.”
2. Avoiding Baggage
Many relationship seekers search for a partner who is not burdened down by prior or current obligations. Debt, children, dependent family members, odd-hour jobs, educational demands, personal health problems, angry ex-spouses, on-going divorces, or even a cynical attitude, can be overwhelming for any new relationship, even if that potential partner is personally desirable.
If you are put off by a person’s baggage, you may not stick around long enough to understand and care enough to find out the good stuff that may outweigh those concerns. In the early years of dating, it is much easier to let go of a relationship that is simply too expensive.
When people are relatively confident that a better deal may be on the horizon, they are more likely to focus on the cost of a relationship rather than its assets. As options decrease and time pressures prevail, those burdens often become less ominous and the willingness to work with them may be more intriguing.
There is a caveat: Some innate “rescuers” look to be the ones who can alleviate baggage by their enthusiasm and offering of resources. Usually not a good idea.
3. Equating Financial Success with Personal Value
This often unrealistic equation took root when women were instructed to use their feminine attributes to “hook” a currently or potentially well-to-do provider. In today’s world, many women are more educated and established providers of their own comfort. Now both women and men are equally attracted to partners who are not only able to take care of themselves at the moment but have even greater potential for financial success in the future.
Unless people are endowed with family money, both women and men have to commit a great deal of time and energy to maximize their financial options. As a result, their “ascension focus” may not leave a lot of time for them to develop relationship-successful skills. If both potential partners are deep into their career development, the lack of a support system for a rising star can produce more of a competitor than a collaborative personal environment.