Dating After Divorce: What Women Want

4. The first date and who pay.

Despite how far women have come and demanding more equality and who pays on the first date continues to be a hot topic of discussion with many different views and opinions. Research from the UK indicates 60% of women prefer to pay – and do. Reinforcing this decision is feeling confident and empowered and more in control. Yet, there is something about who pays on the first date for women that is equally interesting.

Women, despite our growth, report that when the man pays on the first date, it makes them feel special and courted. Confusing? Sure. Even for men. Men feel caught in the middle. On the one hand, they may get pleasure from paying on the first date, but should they infer this? Would this come across as chauvinistic? Especially with the #metoo movement, men are now more apprehensive than ever. And in fairness, I get it! Dating rules are changing and men get equally anxious about how to approach this delicate subject. It’s not just women.


5. What women value the most.

From past to present women are valuing things in a partner and reflective of our times. Over 90% of women, reported that shared values (85% ) being emotionally available (82%), lifestyle (68%), marital status (83%) and sexual compatibility (61%) were key traits that women are seeking.

Being emotionally available is having the ability to be emotionally present. To be heard. To have the emotional bandwidth to just listen and not necessarily fix our problems. In times gone by, women were more influenced by religion, money, and physical appearance. But times have changed.

Women now outnumber men in terms of education (60% of women having more bachelors and master’s degrees) and are often likely to be more independently financially secure.

Religion has become increasingly less important in people’s lives and although physical appearance is important for a healthy lifestyle, having a partner with shared values and lifestyle, who is emotionally present and available, is key for long-term relationship success and happiness.

What does all this mean for both men and women? Well, times have changed and they continue to change rapidly. But some things remain the same – the importance of shared values and lifestyle, love, hope for the future, and the ability to put ourselves out there, despite our fears and uncertainty.

In the end, finding and sustaining love remains the constant.

Written by Kristin Davin

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Dating After Divorce What Women Want

Kristin Davin, Psy.D.
Dr. Davin is a Solution Focused Therapist and Coach. She specializes in couples counseling, personal and work related relationship and dating challenges. Helping her clients focus on solutions rather than problems, helps people get to a healthier place, faster.
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