Date Nights: How Intentional Dating Can Keep Passion Alive In A Relationship

Date Nights

Women want to feel sexy, have a delicious meal at a nice restaurant, drink some wine, and end the evening with some quality love-making at home (or a high-end hotel if there are kids at home). (2)

Men agree.

Men enjoy pleasing their partners by taking them out to dinner at a favorite spot, followed by going somewhere private where they can give and receive full-body sensual massages. Or maybe take a bath that finishes with having sex… “all night long.”

“True love is not a hide and seek game: in true love, both lovers seek each other.” – Michael Bassey Johnson

Throw in some heartfelt surprises such as a love note, more affection, and a serious makeout session, and you have yourself the international recipe for an ideal romantic date.

Related: 40+ Date Night Ideas According To Your Love Language

The 3 Excuses for Why You’re Not Dating Your Spouse

Couples who don’t do date night don’t prioritize their time together. The kids, work, and everything else takes precedence, and their relationship slowly erodes. If you do nothing to improve your relationship will get worse over time.

When asked why they’re not dating, couples come up with three excuses:

1) We don’t have enough time!

No, you just value spending your time on other things than the passion of your relationship. All of us have to make sacrifices by choosing one thing over another.

As Mark Mason puts it, “No, You Can’t Have it All.”

A 75-year study on what makes a good life proves that the way to live a meaningful life is not fame or wealth, but by having meaningful relationships. And meaningful long-lasting relationships are cultivated by two people committing to each other.

Commitment to your partner enables you more freedom because you’re not distracted by looking where the grass is greener. Instead, you are focused on making your current lawn lusciously green. It is this investment in your relationship that allows you to go to the depth that the gold of love is discovered.

2) We don’t have the money for a fancy restaurant or a sitter.

One of my favorite date nights with my partner is getting froyo. It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It only has to be with your partner.

If you’re struggling with having the money for a babysitter, get creative! In The Normal Bar, the authors suggest doing “Block Dating,” which means connecting with other families in your neighborhood and rotating who takes care of the little ones. Every other week, you’ll watch their kids so they can spend the evening on a date. It’s a win-win for the whole block because you get your turn too!

“Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.” – Unknown

4) We want to do different things.

Of course, you do. You’re different people. Take this opportunity to push each other to do things you normally wouldn’t do. This may require some negotiating.

In Stan Tatkin’s book Wired for Dating, he talks about how his wife Tracey wanted to go to her favorite spot for a drink, while Stan wanted to see a new movie. While Stan is not a fan of just going out for drinks, Tracey prefers to emotionally connect and feels that having a drink together is a perfect way to do that.

So they went to the movie and then talked about it over drinks. While this is a simple example, it shows that your partner’s desire can be an opportunity to learn something new about both of you. It’s your responsibility to find something interesting in the thing you are doing with them, not theirs. Ask questions, explore why they enjoy it and find delight in their joy.

Related: Forget the Listicles: A Happy Relationship Depends on Just One Thing

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Kyle Benson

I've had the privilege of working with men and women on a wide range of relationship issues. I've helped individuals:Leave toxic relationships to find a healthy relationship that makes them feel calm, grateful for the person in their life, and deeply valued by their partner Close the emotional distance between partners so they feel deeply connected to each otherResolve relationship conflict, leading the couple to become closer and more loving than they ever thought imaginable Remove sexual anxiety to create intensely passionate and longer-lasting sexUse problems in the relationship as catalysts to help individuals grow into their highest potential (and become more awesome lovers)Our coaching sessions are tailored towards reaching solutions that improve your relationship quickly. Read more about my coaching programmes here, Relationship Coaching or Email me at Kyle@kylebenson.netView Author posts