As we let grow beyond our past perceptions and recognize our parents’ experience, we may find compassion and forgiveness towards them, freeing up a tremendous amount of energy for the present. When both partners consciously commit to a contract of mutual healing, the possibilities are endless.
If we can learn to override defensive, conditioned patterns with curiosity and wonder rather than reactivity, we can begin to discover what needs to happen in order to heal our painful wounds. We allow our partner to be our healer, and return the great favor by healing their sore places as well.
The net result being that we live with peace of mind, trust that we are enough and not too much, believing that we are effectual, can set and realize goals, feel deserving of having our needs met, our desires fulfilled, and above all trusting that we are worthy of love. The overt contract to be each other’s healer is a good deal;and the benefits are exquisite.
Marriage can be a fine addition to therapy.
It’s not just marriage that has healing effects; it’s the kind of marriage. The quality of the relationship is of utmost importance. Both partners need to participate. It’s not enough to just get married to find a good person, and it’s not enough to be motivated to use the relationship as a healing path.
Both partners need to be committed to do whatever is necessary to have the therapeutic effect take place. Therapy is not the only way to heal from childhood wounds, nor is it necessarily the best way. It’s certainly one useful method for a lot of people. But the relationships that are grounded in a shared intention to promote well-being in the lives of each partner can produce profound results as well.
Not only is it possible to have a great relationship after coming from a dysfunctional family but the pain of the dysfunction has become the motivation to do the work to create something more satisfying.
In fact when we finally establish a functional family, the gratitude and satisfaction that is enormous.
We savor the level of well-being that we enjoy now because of the sharp contrast with life in our family of origin. We learned tremendous lessons about what not to do from our original family, put those teachings into practice to establish a relationship, and life, worth living with exquisite appreciation.
How did you heal yourself from imperfect childhood? Leave a comment below