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Crazy

I went back to the place where I first met the most beautiful man in my life.

My heart felt as if it’s been stabbed by a knife.
It’s been months, and I thought I’d forget
Those words I should’ve said, but now I regret.
I regret not pouring my heart out ;
I regret not telling you the things about me that I doubt.
I regret not having us, but just you and me,
Now that’s all just history.
I left;
I left not because I didn’t like you anymore;
I left because couldn’t have you at all.
Liking you gave me a reason to live and to heal.
It made me realize all the things I’ve been longing to feel,
But because of it, I realized my greatest fear.
I feared of losing you.
I feared you would hate me if you knew.
But it all climaxed when I realized I love you.
Love was supposed to make things clear;
Love was supposed to make me conquer my fear;
Love was supposed to make me fight!
But because of love, I could no longer sleep at night.
Love was supposed to comfort me;
Instead, it blinded me from reality.
It blinded me from the truth, and it made me drown.
I hate you.
I hate you for being amazing.
I hate you for not being the one kneeling on his knee with a ring.
I hate you for not telling me.
Not telling me if you even care;
Not telling me if even know that I’m there;
Not telling me even if you know the suspense is driving me crazy!
I hate you because I love you even if you’re just standing in the corner.
If I lost my memory, my love for you will never bring us apart.
Because you know;
You know that even if you’re hiding under the table of a crowded room, 
you can still turn my heart into cherry blossoms in full bloom.
I hate you because I can’t stop loving you.
I love you because with all the stars in the sky, you’re still the sun in my life.
I can’t and I won’t let you go!
Because even if love has turned my world up-side-down;
Even if you’ll never see me the way I see you,
I enjoy it.

I enjoy drowning whenever I see you with someone else;

I enjoy how I couldn’t find anything that makes sense;

I enjoy seeing your eyes squint even if I’m not the reason behind your smile
I enjoy hearing you laugh so loud I can hear it from another mile.
Call me crazy!
Call me obsessed!
Call me Pearl for all I care!
But if you’re drowning in an off-limits fish sanctuary, I’d still dive from a cliff to pull you back to life.
I may be crazy,
But I’m only crazy when I’m with you.
Of all the things I expected love to do, I never expected it to make me fall in love with you.
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