I get it. I go out of my way to deal with things myself rather than ask for help. I run myself ragged trying to “be strong” rather than admit I could use a hand. Sometimes I’d rather quit than admit that I can’t do it by myself.
Strength can be an admirable quality. It really can. But sometimes it’s what men go to in place of allowing themselves to be vulnerable, and it’s invulnerability that sharing, learning, and growing take place.
Try it. You might like it.
4. Know the difference between right and happy.
Admit it, there are times you’ve been in a fight or a “healthy debate” and stuck to your guns rather than concede to an alternate point of view, right?
A little banter and rib-digging can be healthy and fun, but there’s a point where it turns you into more of a Trump-sized asshole than a popular winner of debate class. That tipping point is exactly the spot where you’d stick rather stick dogmatically to a point of view for no other reason than it’s yours, rather than shift your position.
Confidence has nothing to do with getting your own way or proving yourself right at all costs. It’s knowing what really matters to you and knowing you can let go of the rest without being less than.
Take a good look at the cost of needing to be right or the cost of proving someone else wrong, and you’ll see how many wedges have been driven into so many relationships for a rigid, pointless purpose.
5. Stop compartmentalizing.
Compartmentalizing is useful if you’re a toolbox or zoo, but separating work, home, finances, friends, family, and everything else into neat boxes isn’t a great strategy for living life to the full.
As something of a control freak myself, I know there’s a sense of having systems. It’s OK to not bring work problems home with you, to not bring relationship troubles to work with you, to know the difference between true friends and acquaintances, or to live within your means, but the sense of control this offers can lead to creating walls and filtering, censoring or even repressing parts of your life and parts of yourself.
But life isn’t like that. Life is all kinds of stuff all smooshed up together. It overlaps. It spills. It seeps.
A confident life is one that’s integrated, warts and all, not separated. And isn’t a great relationship one where the same thing happens?
Steve Errey is a confidence coach who helps people to 1. Overcome crappy thinking, 2. Feel more confident and 3. Get more peace of mind. Get more at https://confidence.coach.