17. You stop fighting your body.
My beard now takes longer to dry than the hair on my head. The skin on my hands is starting to look like an old suitcase. I’m getting older, but fighting the ageing process ain’t gonna make me younger any more than not believing in gravity will make me fly.
Ageing happens and your body shape is just your body shape. Those things are not who you are, and confidence allows you to let go of the urge to define yourself on the narrowest terms.
18. You look up, not down.
Ruts and grooves can be hard to clamber out of, especially if you’ve spent a lot of time wearing them in. They’re easy, safe and comfortable, and they’re entirely predictable. You’ll never find life’s riches at the bottom of a rut, so having the confidence to say “I’m more than this” is exactly how you get to engage with the wonderful things that truly matter to you in life.
19. You win more business.
The classic used-car salesman is full of bluster, bluff and bull and is only interested in getting you to part with your cash. Nobody likes or trusts that guy, and his competition down the street who’s open, genuine and wants to offer you real value is going to be the guy who wins all the business.
People can spot a fake a mile away, and with natural confidence, you don’t need to pretend to be someone else to sell or market your product or service. Radiating trust and value is what wins business.
20. Nerves don’t stop you.
Nerves are powerful little blighters. Stomach-churning, heart-thumping, hands-shaking, thought-spiralling, pants-wetting. Yes, nerves are powerful, but your response to them has even more power. See them as a sign that you’re not up to a challenge and you never will be. See them as a sign that you’re onto something special and get to be at your best and they lose their power to hold you back.
21. You spend less time fitting in.
Ever made a decision because you thought it was what was expected of you? Me too. Doing what’s expected (your own expectations, other people, and even your expectations of what other people expect) is nothing more than fitting in, but with confidence, you don’t need the validation and sense of approval that comes from doing what’s expected of you. You get to be a whole lot more you, and less what others want you to be.
22. Being introverted is no longer a problem.
I’ve worked with people who worry that being an introvert means they fundamentally lack confidence and won’t have as good a life as an extrovert. I tell them that kind of talk is bullshit (I’m paraphrasing here) and that introversion and confidence are not mutually exclusive.
Confidence is being able to choose your behaviour with implicit trust in that behaviour, regardless of circumstances or outcomes. It’s how you engage with the world as you truly are, no matter whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, Pisces or a size 12.
23. You stop thinking you’re broken.
You know when life is shitty and you wonder what it is about you that’s lacking? That feeling that you’re missing something that other people have is as misplaced as it is compelling, but it can’t survive being truly seen for what it is – a fleeting thought that has nothing to do with everything you are. Confidence is knowing that you’re whole, no matter what happens and no matter where you are.
Steve Errey is a confidence coach who helps people to 1. Overcome crappy thinking, 2. Feel more confident and 3. Get more peace of mind. Get more at https://confidence.coach.
Written by Steve Errey
Originally appeared in Confidence Coach