Sometimes you just have to stop. Put your activities, worries, affairs aside. This is the moment when you have to think just about how well are you doing until now… those past days haven’t been good at all, and yet you think it’s all okay but in fact, it’s not.
Take a moment to analyze what it’s going through your mind, all your feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc. You haven’t realized that there’s an wide hole that you desperate seek to fill, but haven’t quite figured out how. Perhaps you think that it’s you who’s making all up and it’s not, it’s happening, and you have to take it into account. You’re beautiful self depends on it, your mental health, your balance, your emotions stability.
Let’s get back to when every started to not make sense; that time when you saw everything in a negative way but rapidly changed to “positive”, according to your mind. Now, in this moment, you cannot longer fill the empty space that everyone has left in you, slowly fading you start to disappear from their minds. You no longer exist.
Actually, you try your hardest to make it work, by socializing because that’s what you’re told to do, going out with who appears to be your friends, or you also try to make yourself know that you’re here, that you’re present with everyone else. This only makes yourself feel as bad as it can be, due to the fact that you haven’t been heard for a while without knowing why or how did that happen. As hard as you humanly can, you give the extra mile to be there, to not be left aside or forgotten; the thing is, you haven’t moved from where you started and it’s because you don’t even know where the problem started.
By thinking what went wrong, you remember that everyone is heard because they have something special, like intelligence or more for their looks, but it’s no longer the astonishing models from the commercials nor the most beautiful girls around you, it’s that you haven’t been yourself in a while. Trying your best to be the most intelligent, the most beautiful, or the most popular didn’t get you anywhere but to your doom and exile, the loneliness that has always been there.
All the latter are the thoughts of myself, as an oppressed by depression, anxiety and stress that have never left my side because I never been true to myself. I have been lying to me the whole time, since I got aware of my conscience, I haven’t stopped thinking according to my beliefs, in fact, I don’t have my own or at least not a lot of them.
Being judged and bullied since I was in 5th grade, and making the BIGGEST mistake by not telling anyone about it, I was just letting my beautiful self down and making it go away with the love and respect I had for myself. People have been rude, not realizing that I was human too and had feelings that could affect my confidence my whole life.
I even forgave them, but I never forgave myself for paying attention to the comments and letting them get to me in a hurtful way. But this is it, I cannot do it anymore; I’ve been sick of it all this time, but until now that I have no friends to trust, nobody to go out with, that’s something that I could not let it stay that way.
It’s not that our appearance isn’t good enough for people to look at us and pay attention of what we got to say, it’s always about gaining confidence to stand up for yourself and be heard, which might be the most important and hard thing to do nowadays, but it can be done if one starts to believe in oneself like I’m doing right now. Not letting individuals get to us is what we have to do, making commitments to ourselves about starting to do things that we really love, reading mindful books to make us gather enough information to form our own criteria and beliefs, starting to do some meditation for the mind and soul to get that perfect balance between heart mind and tummy.