Codependency in Toxic Relationships: Symptoms, Signs and How To Recover

codependency in toxic relationships

Does that make sense? Both the narcissist and the codependent have no sense of self – so they need to have a connection to someone else (the narcissistic supply) in order to sort of siphon off their energy and personality.

Signs of Codependency In A Toxic Relationship

How do you know you’re in a Codependent Relationship with a Narcissist?

When two people have a very close relationship, it’s natural and mentally healthy to depend on each other for certain things. However, if one of you is toxic, abusive (mentally, physically, or otherwise), controlling, and/or overly neglectful of the other person in the relationship, this can lead to codependency.

If you’re you’re the victim in this situation, you lose sight of who you are, in order to please only the other person, the relationship can become very unhealthy. One of the most troubling relationship elements is codependency.

Related: The Honest Truth About Toxic Relationships

The Codependency Quiz

Not sure you’re dealing with codependency? Try our codependency quiz here, or just ask yourself these questions – and be honest when you answer them. This will help you understand if you’ve fallen into a pattern of codependency in your relationship.

1. Are you afraid to express genuine feelings to your partner?

If you notice you often hold in your feelings for fear of how your partner will react, that’s a sign the relationship is not as healthy as it could be.

2. If you do express feelings honestly, do you then feel guilty?

Perhaps you think “I shouldn’t have said anything… it just made matters worse” after you’re open with your partner.

3. Is much of your day taken up with trying to do everything for your partner?

If you’re completing numerous tasks for your loved one that could easily be done by them, you might be caught up in a dysfunctional, codependent relationship. These chores are done at the detriment of your own life.

4. Are you leery of asking for help from your partner?

If you can’t seek assistance from your partner, it’s very frustrating. In a healthy relationship, partners freely and regularly ask for a hand.

5. When you do ask for help, how does your partner react?

Hopefully, your partner is open and willing to help you out whenever you ask. However, if you’re codependent, you might not feel comfortable with asking or with your partner’s response.

6. Do you find yourself feeling hurt or angry because your partner doesn’t notice your needs?

Although you try to take care of everything, you’re disappointed that your partner does not spontaneously see what’s going on with you. You wait and wait for your partner to recognize your needs but they rarely do.

7. Do you believe you can’t have a friendship independent of your relationship?

Because you’re busy doing chores and errands for your partner and he’s rarely satisfied with how you do them, you don’t have time to maintain a friendship.

8. Do you have hobbies and activities to enjoy separately from your partner?

To maintain a healthy individual identity, it’s important to cultivate your own hobbies and interests, apart from the relationship. If you don’t, it could be a sign of codependency.

9. Do you try to control things to make yourself feel better?

Because you feel like you’re walking on eggshells, you don’t want to upset your partner. Therefore, you take steps to control situations however you can.

10. Would you describe your partner as needy, emotionally distant, or unreliable?

These qualities often draw in partners who are seen as “caretakers.” Thus, the codependency begins.

11. Do you have a perfectionistic streak and try to get things exactly right?

After all, if you get things perfect, then maybe your partner will be happier, more satisfied, and less angry, disappointed, or annoyed with you. If you feel this way, your relationship is likely codependent.

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Angie Atkinson

Certified Life Coach, Author, Survivor. Discover, Understand and Overcome Narcissistic Abuse with Certified Life Coach, author and survivor Angie Atkinson, a recognized expert in narcissism in relationships and narcissistic personality disorder. As creator of the DUO Method of Healing, it's her mission to to help those who have experienced the emotional and mental devastation that comes with narcissistic abuse in these incredibly toxic relationships to (re)discover their true selves, stop the gaslighting and manipulation and move forward into their genuine desires - into a life that is exactly what they choose for themselves. As you can see when you visit the freebies page at QueenBeeing.com, Atkinson's online daily magazine, she's all about paying it forward.View Author posts