10 Steps To Get CLOSURE When There Is None

 / 

,
steps to get closure when there is none

Ah yes, that mythical concept. When a romantic relationship ends without any closure it can be really hard to move on as you are still looking for answers.

You feel constantly stressed and anxious as you try to put the pieces together even when some of the most important pieces are missing. You feel restless and your mind is in a constant chaotic mode. You feel abandoned and left behind without understanding why.

You didnโ€™t even get a chance to say one last goodbye. You feel angry, bitter, frustrated, self-pity, and even self-doubt. You keep wondering what exactly you did wrong to end up here and what could you have done to make it better. But despite all your best efforts, the fact remains that itโ€™s over. They are gone. And youโ€™re left alone with a sinking feeling in your heart. However, you should not let this destroy you. It is possible to move on even when there is no closure.

When the end of a relationship is less Bridget Jones in tears belting out All By Myself over a bottle of wine โ€ฆโ€ฆ and more Gwyneth Paltrow-style conscious uncoupling โ€“ whatever that stupid phrase means.

As if we can all end and have closure in relationships wrapped up with a tidy bow.

Lifeโ€™s not like that.

Related: Why You Donโ€™t Need Closure To Move On

Closure to me sums up images of exes sitting politely facing each other (on the neutral territory of course), going over what went wrong.

Neither blaming the other; each taking responsibility for their side of the relationship breakdown, before a kiss on the cheek goodbye and well wishes for the future.

Wouldnโ€™t that be nice?

Iโ€™m sure it happens to some lucky couples, but chances are if your relationship is on the rocks or in Splitsville already, youโ€™re not going to get this Hollywood ending.

Relationship Closure is a concept in which you both accept the relationship is over and have a sense of resolution, even peace about it.

You can move on.

Without closure, it can be difficult to do this and the healing becomes that much harder.

Without reason, you are left with questions:

What did I do wrong?

How can I trust you again?

A lack of closure is the reason many of you have been telling me you feel the pullback to a relationship after itโ€™s ended, even a dysfunctional or abusive one.

I get this as it was the same for me.

Even though I ended our relationship for my own safety, I found it hard to let go when so many questions remained unresolved.

Iโ€™d spent years trying to prove my love for my violent ex, hoping it would give him the security he needed to stop sabotaging our relationship

I so desperately wanted him to acknowledge his abuse and that he recognized how much I loved him despite it all.

How hard Iโ€™d tried to help him.

I was left wondering instead where Iโ€™d gone so terribly wrong.

I was convinced too that without me he was now living a grander life as if nothing had ever happened.

Perhaps it was me all along?

I blamed myself.

I was never going to heal this way.

I had no choice but to find emotional closure myself.

First I had to come out of denial and ask myself:

What is it Iโ€™m waiting and hoping for?

Be honest with yourself.

They may not have been abusive in your relationship. Perhaps theyโ€™ve simply dumped you without much reason.

Or youโ€™ve decided to leave them and still crave that tidy ending.

Either way, consider this.

This person who treated you this way โ€“ the same one you want closure from โ€“ do they really offer the best future for you?

This person you decided to leave, those reasons still stand. What is it youโ€™re hoping for?

Is what youโ€™re imagining a fantasy in your head?

Let go.

Closure
Closure

This pain you are feeling now, it hurts I know.

Could it be your hope of closure from them is more about you clinging to hope theyโ€™ll come to their senses, run back to you and tell you everythingโ€™s going to be okay?

That would allow you to avoid feeling this pain.

Emotional Closure:

Emotional closure is all about processing your emotions and feelings.

In a way, itโ€™s like grieving.

You can work through this without them.

Find emotional closure yourself.

Closure in relationships

How To Get CLOSURE When There Is None

10 ways you can get emotional closure when there is none:

1. Write your emotions and feelings down in a journal.

Itโ€™s healthier to release feelings and pain, rather than avoid them.

2. Express how you feel to trusted family or friends.

Talk about it within a safe support group or get counseling help.

Donโ€™t bottle them inside.

3. Write an angry or emotional letter to your ex, get everything off your chest.

Tell them if their behavior disrespected you and how it makes you feel now.

Then make a ritual of burning it. Expunge their power over you.

4. Cut off all contact with your ex if you can.

Set clear boundaries if you canโ€™t.

5. Get rid of anything that reminds you of them.

6. Change your environment.

If not physically, then redo your apartment the way youโ€™ve always wanted it.

Create a fresh, new space.

7. Forgive them if you can.

Not to accept any unacceptable behavior โ€“ they own that, youโ€™re not to blame. But more to free yourself from being forever tied to them.

8. Go out and meet new friends, enjoy new experiences.

Go on vacation.

Live life to the fullest you possibly can.

Related: How To Move On Without Closure From Your Ex

9. Set exciting and scary new goals.

10. Most importantly, put you first.

Understand your needs and try to nurture them.

Build your self-esteem before thinking of dating again.

Donโ€™t date when youโ€™re lonely or for the wrong reasons โ€“ as a band aid to cover your pain.

Youโ€™ll only be ready when you know and believe you are enough.

When you can find serenity and happiness within you โ€“ with or without a partner.

Think of this relationship breakdown, not as an ending, but a new beginning.

Your wounds are the light that enters you.

Learn from this experience and grow.

Iโ€™ll leave you with one of my favorite closure quotes:

“What was closure if not a clock? Not an end as everyone imagined, but a beginning.” โ€• Celeste Chaney, In Absence of Fear

If you want to live boldly, overcome your fears and create the life you dream of then tap into The Power Within You – Vivโ€™s group or VIP 1:1 mentorship program. Join now: vivianmcgrath.com/workwithme


Written by Vivian McGrath
Originally appeared on VivianMcGrath.com
Closure in Relationships: 10 Ways To Stay Strong When There is None
Closure in Relationships: 10 Ways To Stay Strong When There is None
steps to get closure when there is none pin
steps to get closure when there is none

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Out-of-the-Box Ways To Get Over A Breakup, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

Unusual Ways To Get Over A Break Up Of The Zodiacs

Sometimes a break up can hit us so hard, that we begin to act like someone weโ€™re not. Everyone gets over heartbreak in their own way โ€” some ways to get over a break up are just different than others.

Breakups can make you do some unimaginable things. Things that, in retrospect, make you question the kind of person you are (and were). So, when youโ€™re ready to laugh at yourself and your past, here are a few unorthodox ways on how to get over a breakup.

Are you ready to know how zodiac signs deal with breakups in an unorthodox fashion? Let’s go!



Up Next

6 Worst Types Of Breakups Hard To Get Over: Heartbreak Hall Of Fame

Worst Types Of Breakups: The Heartbreak Hall Of Fame

Welcome to the land of breakups, where we put a magnifying glass on the most chaotic and worst types of breakups that can make even the strongest hearts feel a whole lotta pain. Being in love is a beautiful experience, isn’t it? However, there’s always a risk of things not working out, but that’s the risk you take when you fall for someone, right?

Breakups are never pleasant, and they always hurt. But, but, but. There’re 6 types of painful breakups that just knock the wind out of you, and these are probably the worst types of breakups, in my humble opinion.

In this article, we will look at some of the worst t



Up Next

3 Ways That Grudge Dumping Destroys Relationships

Ways That Grudge Dumping Destroys Relationships

Dealing with frustration in a relationship is sometimes a very normal thing to experience. But some people let their frustration get the better of themselves, and end up grudge dumping their partner. This article is going to talk about experiencing frustration in relationships, and how grudge dumping destroys relationships.

KEY POINTS

Frustration is a natural part of any intimate relationship; grudge dumping isn’t.

Pent-up frustration can lead to temper tantrums, explosive arguments, and words designed to produce maximum hurt.

Healthy ways to process frustration in a relationship includ



Up Next

Feeling Alone In The Season of Togetherness? 5 Tips To Cope With Loneliness On Holidays

Feeling Loneliness On Holidays? Tips To Brighten Your Days

Winter celebrations like Christmas, Hanukkah, or Kwanzaa are all about having fun with friends and family. But sometimes, even with all the happiness around, you might get the feeling of loneliness on holidays.

If you’re dealing with bouts of loneliness, it’s important to know that you’re not the only one, and there are ways to deal with it. Dealing with long-lasting loneliness might need some special help. But there are also simple things you can do when you’re feeling lonely during the holidays.

This guide is here to help you understand and handle holiday loneliness. We’ll give you easy tips to feel better and enjoy the festive season more. Let’s beat those holiday blues together with simple steps and support. Happy holidays!



Up Next

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? Exploring The Complexities of Post-Breakup Relationships

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? Expert Tips To Consider

Breaking up with someone you once loved and cared deeply for is never easy. It often leaves us feeling confused, hurt, and uncertain about the future. In the aftermath of a breakup, one question that frequently arises is, “Can you be friends with your ex?” 

It’s a topic that sparks curiosity, debate, and even skepticism. Letโ€™s explore the complexities of maintaining a friendship with an ex-partner, examining both the potential benefits and challenges that come with this unique dynamic.

Can You Be Friends with Your Ex?

The short answer is yes! It’s possible to be friends with your



Up Next

4 Zodiac Signs Who Fall Out Of Love In October 2023

Zodiac Signs Who Fall Out Of Love And Breakup In October

October is often associated with positivity and good fortune, it can also be a month of endings and heartbreak. Here are 4 zodiac signs who fall out of love this month!

But remember, sometimes you have to go through the dark to appreciate the light that’s on the horizon.

This October, zodiac signs that fall out of love easily will have to face the end of their relationships, and interestingly, they may have sensed it coming. Astrologically speaking, October is marked by significant planetary movements that affect our love lives, including the influence of Lilith, known for its disruptive impact.



Up Next

Unpacking Parentification Trauma: The Burden of Growing Up Too Soon

What Is Parentification Trauma? Seven Types, Effects and Healing

The excitement of childhood is beautiful, when your biggest worry was whether your favorite cartoon was on TV. Some kids don’t have a childhood as carefree. Parentification trauma becomes a real issue when a child is thrust into the shoes of a grown-up.

The child takes on responsibilities beyond their years. It’s like playing a role in a movie you didn’t audition for. This is the reality for those who’ve experienced the issue โ€“ a lesser-known yet impactful challenge that shapes lives in unexpected ways.

What is Parentification Trauma?

It might be your question, though–what is parentification trauma? The trauma occurs when a child is placed in a role that reverses their expected position within the family dynamic.