Sadly, I often found it nearly impossible to embrace – or even see – what was so wildly wonderful about her.
I was so focused on the anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of her personality that the soft silver lining about her simply went into oblivion.
The more I focused on the bad, the more I imbibed it and the more I mirrored it back to her by offering her the worst of my behaviour. Naturally, this created a tension in our relationship that almost seemed to burst.
Thus did our nasty death spiral play itself out over five years.
She fought hard to make me choose her. That’s a fool’s task.
You can’t make someone choose you, even when they might love you.
To be fair, she didn’t fully choose me, either. The rage-fueled explicit she often hurled at me was evidence enough of that.
I realize now, however, that she was often angry because she felt insecure with me. She realised that I chose her less, in my words and my actions, and she was scared of losing me.
Actually, she lost me. I abandoned her.
By not fully choosing her every day for five years, by focusing on what bothered me rather than what I adored about her, I deserted her.
Like the favorite summer flower, I brought her to home and then I left her alone in countless ways to wither in the dry hot heat of our intimate relationship.
I finally introduced myself to the worst days of life. The person I thought was suffocating me made me realise that it was her leaving that choked me.
I never again not choose the person I loved.
If you’re in relationship, I invite you to ask yourself this question: “Why am I choosing my partner today?”
If you can’t find a satisfying answer, dig deeper and find one. It could be as simple as noticing that in your deepest heart’s truth, “I just do.”
If you can’t find it today, ask yourself again tomorrow. We all have days we feel disconnected. That’s not lack of feelings.
But if too many days go by and you just can’t connect with why you’re choosing your partner, and your relationship is rife with stress, let them go. Open the door to your heart for another human being to show up. See them with fresh eyes and a yearning heart that will enthusiastically choose them every day.
Your loved one deserves to be enthusiastically chosen.
You do, too.
Written by Bryan Reeves
Source – Uplift Connect