5. The Controller
An antithesis of the victim is the controller. If the victim is always about giving up their own power, the controller is about taking it, whatever the cost.
This love style, like that of the victim, also comes ridden with conflict and chaos and its roots lie in a past where the child had to buckle up. This is in conflict with the basic need of a child, which is to feel safe and loved.
Controllers find it easier to leave their feelings aside and show up as “strong” people. They are resistant to showing themselves as vulnerable people, for the simple reason that they equate vulnerability with weakness.
In the long run, the pattern of toughening up as a child reveals itself as a constant power play with the partner, where the latter may often end up feeling abused.
Being aware of one’s own love style can be revealing to the least.
It is not easy to make changes in adult relationships. Hopefully, when you have a sense of where your current struggles might have their seeds, you’ll be in a position to do something about it.
Working by yourself and working alongside a partner (who is all probability has a different love style) are both options you can explore.