How To Tell If A Narcissist Loves You

How Narcissist Loves You

My book, Dealing with a Narcissist explains in detail how to navigate and beneficially use this in relationships with narcissists, addicts, or anyone highly defensive.

Because narcissism exists on a continuum from mild to malignant, when it’s severe, selfishness and inability to express love become more apparent when greater demands are placed on a narcissist. Dating or long-distance relationships that have fewer expectations are easier.

Bottom line: Wondering whether a narcissist loves you is the wrong question.

Although it’s wise to understand a narcissist’s mind, like Echo in the myth of Narcissus, partners overly focus on the narcissist to their detriment. Instead, ask yourself whether you feel valued, respected, and cared about. Are you getting your needs met? If not, how is that affecting you and your self-esteem and what can you do about that?

© Darlene Lancer 2018
Originally appeared on


  • American Psychiatric Association, Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (2013). Arlington, VA.: Amercian Psychiatric Publishing.
  • Branden, N. (1980). The Psychology of Romantic Love. Los Angeles: J.P. Tarcher, Inc.
  • Campbell, W.K, Finkel, E.J., & Foster, C.A. (2002). Does self-love lead to love for others? A story of narcissistic game playing, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(2), 340-354. Retrieved from
  • Delic, A., Novak, P., Kovacic, J., & Avsec, A. (2011). Self-reported emotional and social intelligence and empathy as distinctive predictors of narcissism” Psychological Topics 20(3), 477-488.  Retrieved from
  • Fromm, E., (1956). The Art of Loving. New York: Harper & Brothers Publishers.
  • Goff, B. G., Goddard, H. W., Pointer, L., & Jackson, G. B. (2007). Measures of expressions of love. Psychological Reports, 101, 357-360.
  • Johnson, R. A. (1945). We, Understanding the psychology of Romantic Love. San Francisco: Harper & Row Publishers.
  • Lancer, D.A. (2017). “I’m Not Perfect, I’m Only Human” – How to Beat Perfectionism. Los Angeles: Carousel Books.
  • Lancer, D.A. (2014). Conquering Shame and Codependency: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You. Center City: Hazelden Foundation.
  • Ritter, K., et al. (2010). Lack of empathy in patients with a narcissistic personality disorder, Psychiatry Research. Retrieved from
  • Schultze, L., et al. (2013) Gray matter abnormalities in patients with a narcissistic personality disorder. Psychiatric Research, 47(10), 1363–1369.
  • Swenson, C. (1972). The Behavior of Love. In H.A. Otto (Ed.) Love Today (pp. 86-101). New York: Dell Publishing.

Can a Narcissist Love?
How Narcissist Loves You pin
How To Tell If A Narcissist Loves You
Scroll to Top