With im-measureable joy of my divine encounter, I run to the church box, eager to share my encounter, certain that I’ve hit new measures of religious performance with showers of rewards to be mine, elevating me up the ladder to stardom levels.
With only one word uttered of my experience and your reaction is one of disruptive threat to my innovation with a sit-down realignment to focus….on the next plastic trophy. You look down upon me with eyes of judgement, removing your decorative Bible from it’s protective display sleeve and with one breath, pluck words from it’s context that seem to weave together a story that places me back into my place. Under the guise of prayer, you lead us down a path of seeking God in spite of my pleas of conviction that I JUST heard from Him, that freedom, identity and purpose are upon me.
The separation from the church box, it’s too scary to think of. What would I do without your approval? How would I be okay? Give me a second…let me hop back into my box. Hold on, I think I can see the next trophy…ya, this next one will be sweet…I just know it!
My eyes re-affix to the prize and I’m back-in-line, ready to run yet another race, safely put back into your expectations and in a place where you can understand who I am with none of your own self interests challenged. I’m so very sad. I know there is freedom, I just know that it will find me, whoever “you” are out there, whatever voice I hear speaking to me, please don’t give up on me.
Shhhh, I must get back to work for now.”
~Robin (September 2012)
Wow, that’s still hard to read, even all these years later. On a side note, for any of you out there with troubled religious pasts…I hear you and you’re not alone. There is a sweet freedom found in love, surrender and forgiveness.
This story above fueled an internal sense of rage in me to turn inward, unravel the twisted, fucked-up stories I believed and pave a way to the life I wanted to create.
THIS…is the pathway to thriving in life. We talk and hear a lot about living free, it’s a popular subject AND few discuss the how-to’s that guide us to this allusive peace found within.
If you’re reading this, freedom awaits and it’s closer than you may think. You simply MUST do the ONE thing you think you can not. Call it the Hero’s Journey, this pathway is yours, and yours alone. There will be nobody validating your course and seeking the opinions, and even support, of others will only delay your entry into your promised land.
You must act! Yes, just one small bold act of bravery, is all it takes to begin the process of alignment to new new places, new resources and the uncovering of the soul gold within.
For some that will look like establishing a new emotional boundary. For others, sharing your feelings, making peace with an addiction, leaving your abusive spouse/partner or simply choosing to love yourself one day at a time. Only you know and trust me, you DO know.
THIS…is the pathway to thriving in living, to the creative force of LOVE that surrounds us and we lose sight of when a few dark clouds loom.
Clear the clouds, stand in the masculine energy of the beaming sun, bathe in the cascading comfort of the moon’s feminine energy and with a whisper from your heart, speak these words, “Show me my freedom now.”
Stand in the church, hands raised high to the music evoking emotion and call out to Jesus to show you a salvation deep from within yourself.
Contort your body, bending your muscles in the exhalation breath of the yoga posture and utter the words, “Namaste” to surrender to the greatness of yourself and others.
Experience what happens, when we feel powerfully the forces circling inside us. Your freedom is RIGHT there.
I love you,
aka: Love Gangster