At that time, I was in transition, and he was in a holding pattern of a sort, quiet about the details until we agreed to get better acquainted. John was an inventor awarded a U.S. Patent years ago. His intelligence and creativity intrigued me. I’ve long involved myself with entrepreneurial projects, so this side of him was attractive. It seemed John and I had business potential together if we should decide to devote our resources to that path.
He consistently demonstrated good man qualities yet I kept thinking he wasn’t my type, darn it! One day I came to my senses, realizing that the men who were “my type” were those who were familiar, with qualities similar to my father or men from my failed romances.
John and I took the time to get acquainted naturally over three-plus months at work. The more I learned, the more I liked him. He was a single father for 16 years with custody of two boys, and the third had recently left home. He had longevity at previous jobs if only to provide for his sons. He was kind and demonstrated compassion.
He had good social filters and appropriate behavior in a mixed company. He seemed to be an excellent candidate for the instant grandfather to my young grandchildren. My grandchildren–with their healthy intuition for judging character–warmed up to him right away when we finally agreed to be a couple.
John is a good man in every way that is important to me. Breaking up with a good man is more difficult than breaking up with a man like my father. We communicate we cuddle, we laugh! He keeps his word; he is helpful, he is kind and loving. He is trustworthy and respectable. He loves me, and it seems nothing is wrong.
Instead of “breaking up”, let’s call what we’re doing “being mature, good adults who choose to be best friends.”
The last four chaotic months of my transitional life would have been unbearable without John. He was my rock. My helper, my cheerleader, and my solace. John tells me that while we no longer have a commitment to a long-term romantic relationship together, he will be here for me. I believe him.
This path I’m on to improve my life, to step up to my full potential, is one that John supports for me because he knows my credentials and how I have been working persistently and consistently toward my goals.
Although he’s not interested in participating in the activities my path requires of me and my partner, he is thoughtful and generous enough not to impede my progress on the path. Instead, John is being a good man, a good person, and mostly a good friend to say, “I support you and encourage you to pursue your career and will do so from the sidelines.”
What’s your opinion on breaking up with a good man due to unhealthy relationship patterns? Leave a comment below.
Written by Lisa M. Blacker
Originally appeared in The Goodmen Project