Why Breaking Up With A Narcissist Is Not Your Average Break Up

 April 09, 2017

Why Breaking Up With A Narcissist Is Not Your Average Break Up

Many get caught up in seeking the emotional validation of –am I good enough – from someone who will never give it to them. This validation seeking can go on for a long, long time. There is nothing more soul destroying and degrading than jumping through hoop after hoop trying to prove your worth, to someone who will never see or acknowledge it.

Narcissists are akin to a psychological parasite. Once they get inside your head it’s almost impossible to get them out.

They spend the early part of a relationship learning all about you, what makes you tick and what buttons to push, to best manipulate you later on. They pay keen attention to your vulnerabilities, your fears and what causes you the most hurt, as a means of control, for a Narcissist must always be in control. They will go to great lengths to isolate you from friends, family and other sources of support.

Once a relationship with a Narcissist ends, most victims are left with the enormous task of weaving through all the lies and the abuse and building themselves back up. Their sense of self-esteem and self-worth will have been virtually annihilated. They have to rediscover who they are.

Being free of such a monster should be considered a blessing, but what often happens, after prolonged exposure to this type of abuse, is that many will actually pine and grieve for the return of their tormentor.

They have come to believe that love equals pain and that they are deserving of this type of treatment. They’ve placed the Narcissist so high up on a pedestal, that even crumbs of their affections and attention are better than nothing at all.

A Narcissist doesn’t like to throw away any sources of supply, so they will continue to play this game with you indefinitely.

The more pain that the Narcissist can inflict upon their partner, the less respect they have for their victims and they devalue that source of supply. If a Narcissist does leave, it’s because they have found a new source, but they’ll often be back to throw you more crumbs and prolong your suffering.

The abrupt and heartless manner in which they leave their partners is bone chilling. When a Narcissist is in stage one, the over-evaluation phase, with his new target, they focus all their energy on securing that new source of supply. The fact that they have left you in emotional turmoil, a spiraling depression or perhaps even financial ruin, will have no impact on them. It’s all about them- it always was. These people are happiest when they have at least one or two individuals pining for them, who they can run to, at any time for sex, money or an ego stroke.

If at some point the victim decides to end the relationship, the Narcissist will experience what Freud calls a Narcissistic Injury. This is any slight, real or imagined, that threatens the Narcissist’s false belief, that they are special, superior and unique.

The Narcissist may rage or grieve over your parting, but one must always remember, they are not grieving the loss of the person in their life, they are grieving the damage done to their ego, the lost source of supply, the efforts it took to secure that supply and the anxiety they will have to face to obtain more.

15 comments on “Why Breaking Up With A Narcissist Is Not Your Average Break Up

  1. Hey all
    I was with one for 4 year and out of the blue one day ended it no feeling and it was all me I did it I was not good enough she push me away and just as I would give up she was all nice and loving and wanted to spend time with me the lies about what she was doing and the things she was telling people made me look like I was a philosophy ex trying to make her life her to try and win her back she was telling her mate she had ended it but yet doing and saying thing different to me also as I have a 2 year old son with her I would of stayed for him but it come to a point where it was getting to much and and the little lies needed to be shown so I started to cover my back used recording app to record phone calls and pics to back up that we was still sleeping together even though she mad out I was sleeping on the chat and refusing to leave.. This was all bull as if I knew what she was doing I would of taken my son and left.. She had been seeing a guy from work and was also sleeping with him… Once I found out I left but the games still played on once she knew I’d not do things for her it was my son she would use and then I needed 2 weeks to free myself from her and then it was how crap a dad I am and how I’m not there for my boy so after a week I could not take anymore of the little texts she would send of my son and the vids of him so I give in I started seeing my son again but I was not giving in to her so then she would make plans for me to see my son and the give him to someone else on them days and make out I was being an ass she even put him at risk and because this was not working she then let my sister down who was unwell and had just come out of hospital and then tried playing my sister off on me.. Long story short the texts off her mate come in I then have to go to the police and i was the one given a pip she then setup a day for me to see my son after 6 months of stopping me because I have a new partner and when I went to see him she had gone out I waited fro an hr and left a note saying it’s going to court now as I was sick of the games I then popped back after as I thought maybe something had happened to my son and when I got there I was met by the door being slammed in my face so I called the police to do a check that my son was OK and I then get locked up for 16hrs I’m now on tag and and been done for harassment all I say is cover your backs if not for all the texts and cctv in my car and the camera on my phone I could of been looking at prison time

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