St. Paul says: Unholy
Psychology says: The purpose of all human life is to become “Holy”, holy means to become “whole”. When we are whole we are grounded in a sense of our True Self, and the interconnectedness with all that is sacred. That interconnectedness is directed by the natural laws of love, wisdom, reverence, and compassion, where we can be other-centered.
Narcissists, on the other hand, are solitary beings who are grounded in a False Self that renders them addicted to their own self-centeredness. Focused only on their own needs and wants, they become “unholy” predators cut off from all life (secular and sacred). They are at the center of their universe, with little or no moral code they become intent on violating everything in their sights in order to get their needs meet.
In doing so they have no consideration for any damage they cause to others. It is such evil intent that becomes the dualistic opposite of good, rendering the narcissist unholy.
St. Paul says: Unloving
Psychology says: Ego Psychology uses the term “Narcissism” to describe someone who is self-centered, and in love with their own image (as in the myth of Narcissus). Narcissists, by and large, grow up feeling unloved and abandoned. Without experiencing the mirroring of love from another, they lack the ability to love others, or even themselves.
Freud spoke of “primary narcissism” as a necessary stage of infant development. He theorized that before a child could love others, it must first learn to love itself. A child devoid of love experiences intolerable painful feelings. In order to survive, they cut-off from these painful feelings and develop an idealized false-self mask that camouflages their suppressed inner feelings of being defective and unlovable. Suspicious and fearful of their own disowned feelings, they then become suspicious of any displays of affection toward them.
They interpret these displays of feelings by others as a sign of weakness. This weakness in others then becomes a tool for the narcissist to exploit and manipulate for self-gain. While cutting off from their true feelings, they fail to develop true empathy for others. As a result, any so-called love relationship the narcissist develops lacks true warmth of affection for the other person; rather it is a relationship that is totally focused on the narcissist’s self-gain and self-worship.
St. Paul says: Unforgiving
Psychology says: Due to their magical thinking, the narcissist False Self utterly believes that they are unique, omnipotent (all-powerful), omniscient (all-knowing), in short, perfect in every way. Because they strive for perfection, they cannot face their own shortcomings without it triggering personal shame, and shame causes them to experience narcissistic injury (a threat to self-esteem and self-worth).
Their response to narcissistic injury is to invariably fly into a narcissistic rage (Kohut), their rage is a direct reaction to a perceived slight, insult, criticism, or disagreement. So anybody who dares to humiliate or reject them in any way (whether it be real or imagined) will not be forgiven, and the narcissist will develop an obsessive need for revenge against that person. You may think that you are offering them constructive criticism in a manner that may be helpful to them, but this will not be decoded as being helpful to the narcissist, but rather as a threatening act against them.
When they feel threatened they feel like a caged animal, and this is sure to illicit an emotional volatile response from them. In their effort to build their damaged ego and escape from their intolerable narcissistic injury, the narcissist takes flight into an escape plan that involves powerful destructiveness. For such a transgression their escape plan involves punishing you, bringing you down and devaluing you without any mercy…….metaphorically “killing you off”, as it were.
St. Paul says: Slanderers
Psychology says: Narcissists build an inner shrine to themselves where they self-aggrandize to an extraordinary degree so that they can feel intrinsically superior to all others. Of course, their highly inflated view of themselves is an illusory false-self (a pathological ego) that becomes the basis for all future misinterpretations of their reality. Their feelings of being superior in every way to everybody becomes the source of much pain and envy for them whenever they feel outshined by anybody.
Pathological envy and jealousy is an integral part of narcissism (envy is a desire for what another person has, while jealousy is the fear that what something can be taken away). Narcissists are envious of anything in others that they lack in themselves (i.e. beauty, possessions, knowledge, personal qualities, power, skills, achievements, qualifications, relationships, money, etc. Their envy consumes them, and the list of their covetousness (“I want, I want”) is endless. Envy is a normal human feeling which can range from mild to severe, from healthy to unhealthy, from positive to negative.
For example, “healthy envy” has positive qualities. Healthy envy acts as a valuable guide for your heart, leading you in the direction of what your soul requires, so in effect, the thing you desire acts as a mirror for personal growth. For example, if you envy the knowledge of your tutor in college, perhaps there is a part of your soul that yearns to become a teacher or to be in a position where you can impart knowledge. Healthy envy is empowering because it brings you nearer to your life’s goal.