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3 Best-Kept Narcissist Secrets That will Make Everything Clear

3 Best-Kept Narcissist Secrets That will Make Everything Clear

You realize you’re in a war, right?

Ok, so maybe no actual firearms or tanks are involved, but you are definitely in a bloody battle for your sanity.

I hate to dredge up the painful reality of it all, but your toxic, self-absorbed partner is using the three best-kept secrets used by narcissists world-wide – against you!  Secrets that, when used proficiently, can bring other human beings to their knees – regardless of status, intellect, education, or material wealth.

…dirty secrets that can (and often do) result in their unsuspecting partners becoming so broken and dysfunctional that they lose everything – careers, children, homes, licenses (such as those required to perform as doctors, attorneys, and therapists), bank accounts, and worst of all, their sense of self.

Below, I offer an insider exposé that will have you screaming, “Victory!!”  – or at the very least, make everything clear so that you’ll feel empowered to detach from the madness, reclaim your good judgement and reason, and move towards your new life.


1. Narcissists will not appreciate anything you do to accommodate and placate them.

I know you work hard to please your partner.  I sure did, back in the day when I was “green” narcissistic supply.   I could go into the hellish details of all I did for him and his family, but I’ll spare you.

Narcissists want you to believe that even your best efforts are not good enough.  The reason they do this is so they can keep you scurrying about for their approval, but never quite receiving it.  Before long, you’re doing the work of three people, yet not being acknowledged for it.

Maybe they really liked the chocolate cake you made them last year for their birthday, but after that, each time you made it for them, there was something wrong with it.

Or perhaps, once upon a time, they said you looked pretty when they picked you up for a date, but ever since then you can’t seem to dress right, the colors you wear are all wrong, you’ve gained weight, etc.  Why can’t you just dress like the new secretary at their job or the new CEO who always looks so sharp? 

Do you work two jobs, keep the house clean, pay most or all of all the bills, take care of their errands, and/or cook dinner most nights, but never receive even a simple nod of approval?

This cruel tactic works in two ways – 1) it ensures you will be willing to do whatever they ask at a moment’s notice (hoping they’ll show some sign of appreciation), and 2) destroy your confidence and self-esteem as you develop the belief that nothing you do is ever good enough.

Even if you are highly successful in your professional life and have friends and family who’ve always appreciated what you’ve done for them, the narcissist doesn’t want you to feel any pride or sense of accomplishment – because if you did, you might realize they are using you and consequently decide to do something about it.

What do you think?

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Written by Kim Saeed

Kim Saeed is a recognized relationship expert specializing in narcissism, toxic love, and holistic recovery. Her articles, books, interviews, and guest appearances assist victims, survivors, and thrivers world-wide. She has influenced people from all over the globe by helping them leave their unhealthy relationships, overcome their limiting beliefs, and by empowering them to rise above their destructive patterns.Kim released her first book in March 2015, and it quickly rose to best-seller status. How to Do No Contact like a Boss! explains the reasons for going No Contact and takes the reader from the initial planning stages, exit strategies, the moment of No Contact, what to expect in the days that follow, and how to deal with a persistent and/or abusive ex who refuses to respect one's request for No Contact. Kim holds a Bachelor of Arts in Education and has a multidisciplinary background including expertise in teaching, banking, organizational development, HR training, research, and database management. An interesting fact about Kim is that she started her student teaching in Egypt during the first political uprising there in 2011. You can find Kim at www.letmereach.com.

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  1. I keep coming as cross these articles and wholeheartedly agree; but my question is what when it’s a female narcissists? A female narc who currently has the kids because she unilaterally decided they were going with her, who let’s me see them once or twice a week for an hour or two at a time? And everybody says take her to court and do this or that, but before she left me she called the people I was working for and started a bunch of stuff going there and then through MY mistakes because of everything going on in life I ended up losing my job, I had lost 8 close friends during a rough period of life and had just lost both of my brothers 6 months apart right before she went on her tirades… insulting my then dead brothers, insulting my efforts to memorialize them saying no gives a crap what you have to say about your dead brothers, punching me, throwing my brothers memorial books at me, belittling everything single thing about me, and just being devastating, she withheld sex for 4 years and i was still trying to make the marriage work for the sake of the kids. She hit me in the back of the head with a mag light flashlight and then called the police in me, I discovered she was cheating and she punched me in the face when I played the recording for her and said that I was creepy, crazy, and a stalker and she no longer felt safe because I had violated her privacy no word on the affair though… the fact is she cleared our accounts everything was joint and I assumed in the beginning when I was giving her money for her and the kids that she was paying the Bill’s but it turned out she was having a new house built and let everything in my name go unpaid so when I found out she was moving out every bill was 4 months behind and now I ca nah t afford to take her to court and she is toxic to those boys who she now says arent even mine and whether I believe her or not doesnt matter because in my heart they are mine… what do you do if you cant bring about justice because of situations she created but you cant sit back and just let your kids slip away either…any advice on this would be great from literally anyone

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