Being with someone is not the answer

People are trained to see themselves, their worth through the eyes of others. Are we not born, raised and if our parents don’t teach, guide, model, show, nurture, love us we feel negatively about ourselves? We blame ourselves for not being loved? We seek people unconsciously or specifically who will treat us exactly as our parents treated us, no matter the harm or victimization of their behavior. We are trained when we attend school to judge ourselves by our classmates perceptions of us. We are thrown into the field of being in teams and the dynamics of the team involves us determined by what others think of us. Throughout our social construct as adults, we are given the signs and symbols that we are not whole human beings unless we are coupled. We are inundated with the idea being with someone else makes us complete, makes us acceptable to our society, makes us feel as if the missing pieces are filled or we are worthy, since we are with someone else. Someone who sees value in us, enough to love us. However, once we can put the past behind us, no matter how raised, take the healthy, discard the unhealthy. Teach ourselves how to love ourselves, flaws and what we failed to be taught and all, we can understand being with someone is not the answer to everything; being with ourselves. Once we can comfortably be with ourselves, love ourselves unconditionally, being with someone else won’t be a necessity, instead an option we don’t mind if it happens or not at all. – Aissatou Sunjata

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