The Most Loving Thing You Can Do For A Man

the most loving thing you can do for a man

We all love it when we are appreciated and loved by our partner. From the smallest things to grand gestures, it feels nice to be loved. And the same goes for your man. Although he may not show it outright, you need to show him that you’re loving him from your heart.

Although a sweet gesture is always welcome,

The loving thing your man really needs is that you create a safe place for him to express himself without getting judged.

My husband snapped at me with impatience the other night and what could have been over in a few seconds erupted into World War III. Why? Because he was expressing disappointment in how I was reacting to something and I responded with defensiveness. That’s all it took and we went on to have it out for a few rounds.

The loving thing men need the most can be the hardest thing for us to give.

It’s creating the safe place that can be challenging.

Sure, we can be present and loving if a man is sad in front of us if he is talking about being disappointed or worried about something. We can listen if he is calm, quiet and reflective. Creating a safe place for that is probably pretty easy for most of us.

Here’s the thing about feelings, though. They don’t always come up perfectly scripted and modulated.

Read 5 Phrases That’ll Make Him Fall In Love With You Instantly

Feelings don’t always make sense and they sure as hell aren’t always rational. Feelings are sometimes reactive. As I was reminded the other night, feelings sometimes sound like blame. They can feel like accusations.

If we really want to be that safe place for men to share their feelings, we have to have a better understanding of what that means and why it’s the loving thing men needs the most.

Sad=Mad

It’s hard for anyone to express sadness, disappointment, or regret. Those softer feelings are vulnerable and can leave us feeling weak. That’s usually where anger comes in. When we’re mad, we’re large and in charge. We feel more in control. Our defenses are up and we can’t get hurt. Sometimes, we get sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and that pisses us off.

Read How To Get Him To Finally Commit To You

Being a safe place means accepting that we aren’t perfect. It means understanding that with intent or without it, we can sometimes be a source of pain for the person we love.

Relationships don't work because people think it's okay to ignore somebody when they're mad

Men don’t experience feelings any differently and it becomes easier and more permissible to get angry. If women really want to be a safe place for men’s feelings, they have to increase their comfort level with anger. This doesn’t mean lowering boundaries or repeatedly accepting disrespectful behavior but it does mean accepting that sometimes when a man is really hurt, he isn’t going to express it perfectly. He may yell. He may raise his voice, be short, sarcastic, and flippant.

This shouldn’t be a surprise as women are no different. We can be imperfect when we’re mad, too. Creating a loving space for a man’s anger means staying still, quieting your defensive reactions, and allowing him space to calm down.

Accepting a man’s anger requires patience in the moment. It means trusting that where he is in that moment isn’t where he’ll always be. He might not land in an angry, accusatory place once he calms down and starts talking about what’s bothering him. However, he’ll never start talking about the root of his upset if his initial reaction isn’t accepted. Acceptance will help you give the most loving thing a man needs.

Read 5 Phrases That’ll Make Him Fall In Love With You Instantly

We have to be prepared to hear that it’s our fault.

It’s not easy when he starts talking and the first thing you hear is “Well, you…..”. Getting defensive can almost feel like an automatic response when someone starts with that phrase and if we react with that defensiveness, we’ve immediately stopped listening. We perceive that any good intent we had on our parts wasn’t seen or trusted and it can feel like he is taking his bad mood out on us.

He might very well want or need our perspective on a situation but before you rush in to save the day, be sure to ask if he’s drowning and wants your help

No one wants to create a safe place for that! Our instinct is to run from that, to push it away. For men, that’s rejection. That says “Sure honey, I care about what you think and feel as long as it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

Being a safe place means accepting that we aren’t perfect. It means understanding that with intent or without it, we can sometimes be a source of pain for the person we love. It also means understanding and being calm and patient when we’ve been misunderstood-when something really isn’t our fault. Good communication doesn’t happen at high volume or high-intensity.

Creating safety will sometimes mean sitting with blame until things calm and you can talk it out and of course, it means accepting responsibility and apologizing when we have hurt or let them down, even if it wasn’t our intention.

Understand and empathize with where your partner is coming from.

It’s not on us to solve the problem.

Men really aren’t that different from us when it comes to talking about feelings. They want to be heard, validated and understood. When we rush to problem-solving, we’re not really hearing what they have to say. He might very well want or need our perspective on a situation but before you rush in to save the day, be sure to ask if he’s drowning and wants your help. He just may want company while he figures it out.

Read The 10 Most Heartfelt Compliments You Can Give A Man

We can validate the feeling even when we don’t get why he feels that way.

Men don’t always understand our reactions to things. We can get upset or sad about things that seem little or insignificant to them. The same is true for men. They may react with feelings to a situation that seems confusing or just doesn’t make sense.

We have to be careful not to judge the feeling and instead relate to it. You may not get why something is angering or saddening your guy. He may be disappointed about something that you just don’t get. That’s ok. Relate to the feeling. You’ve been mad, sad, and disappointed before. Stay in that place and relate to the feelinga and you will create a safe place, the loving thing that most men needs.

They don’t always need to talk about it. Really.

Sometimes women put too much emphasis on conversation. Sometimes, words aren’t necessary. Sometimes, he’s just going need someone who can be quiet with him, someone who can keep him company while he figures things out, himself.

Maybe he needs a company at the gym while he works it out. He might need to be held, hugged, or have his handheld. Making love to him sensitively and with compassion also creates safety and acceptance. Being a safe person sometimes means accepting that not talking is an acceptable option. And that that way to give the most loving thing a man needs.

Read 4 Things a Man Does If He Wants a Relationship With You

Accept when they’re done talking and Let. It. Go.

My poor husband. I am a therapist. When I am not bungling up his feelings and making them about me, I am usually all too happy to jump right in and talk…and talk…and talk. Poor guy. Not everyone likes to or needs to, go round and round their feelings ad nauseam. Sometimes, they just need to put it out there that they are going through something and then they can move on.

Safety means letting them. Women can get sucked into the intimacy that gets created when a man opens up and that feeling can tempt us to drag out the moment longer than he is comfortable with. Take your cue from him. When he’s done talking, let him be done.

After all, safety also means being aware of what’s going on with him and following up a day or two later to see how he’s feeling or how it all worked out.

Are you ready to do the most loving thing you can do for your man?


Written by Heather Gray
Originally appeared in The Good Men Project
Republished with permission

The Most Loving Thing You Can Do For Your Man
The Most Loving Thing You Can Do For Your Man
the most loving thing you can do for a man pin
the most loving thing you can do for a man

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

Masculinity And Mental Health: 12 Warning Signs of Depression In Men And What To Do

Signs of Depression in Men You Shouldn't Ignore

Do you often feel frustrated, irritable, and withdrawn? If you are a man and if you are frequently in a bad mood, then it’s likely that you have male depression. The shadows of masculinity can often hide the signs of depression in men.

Male mental health is a topic we rarely talk about as a society that is supposed to be fair and equal. Yet, societal expectations often silence the cries for help from men who suffer from depression. 

But let’s change that today! Depression affects millions of people worldwide, regardless of gender. However, men often face unique challenges when it comes to recognizing and addressing



Up Next

8 Body Flaws Men Find Irresistibly Attractive In Women

Body Flaws Men Find Irresistibly Attractive In Women

Today we are going to explore a topic that’s not just interesting, but honestly, a bit heart warming too! We are going to talk about the “imperfections” and “body flaws” which women feel awkward about, but men absolutely love!

You know what I mean; the tiny body flaws that we are convinced make us less attractive. As women, we often regard them as shortcomings or things that take away from our beauty, but they are the very things that many men fall in love with.

So, let us plunge into this and find out what are those “body flaws” that men really adore about us, and what men think about women’s bodies.



Up Next

The Cheaters’ Playbook: 3 Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

The Cheaters' Playbook: Types Of Men Who Have Affairs

Have you ever wondered why do some men have affairs? It isn’t always because they’re just looking for excitement or are bored. There’s usually more to it. There are actually 3 types of men who have affairs, and we are going to do a deep dive into that today.

In a perfect world, love would keep everyone on course, but the truth is we often have to deal with betrayal and heartbreak. We’re going to take a close look at the 3 types of men who have affairs, some of the glaring traits of men who cheat, and most importantly, why do men have affairs.

Let’s start with understanding the traits of men who cheat.



Up Next

5 Signs of Mommy Issues In Men and How It’s Impact On Their Adult Lives And Relationships

Signs Of Mommy Issues In Men Affect That Their Adult Lives

Are you dating a man who constantly seeks validation, has trust issues and is emotionally dependent on you? If yes, then it is likely that you are dating a man with mommy issues. Men with difficult relationships with their mothers often have strained romantic relationships as adults. That’s why you need to know about the signs of mommy issues in men.

Today let us explore what are mommy issues in men and how to deal with a man with mommy issues so that you can build a healthier and happier relationship with your partner. 

What are Mommy Issues in Men?

In popular culture, mommy issues in men ar



Up Next

8 Telltale Signs You’re The Placeholder In A Relationship — Don’t Ignore Them!

Are You The Placeholder In A Relationship? Clear Signs

After an entire year of being together, you end things with him only to see his “Facebook official” relationship status pop up with another girl — the same boy who said labels don’t exist, mind you! So, what’s going on? Well, you might be the placeholder in a relationship that you thought was fully reciprocated all along.

And it really was just a charity case from him, hoping that you’d be the one to call it quits so he’d feel less guilty. That’s what it means to be in a placeholder relationship. 

When you’re in it, there’s no way for you to see the reality of what position you’ve put yourself in. So, if truth is what you seek and an unrealistic future dream isn’t enough for you anymore, here are eight proving signs of a placeholder relationship.



Up Next

How Men Suffer From The Lack Of Maternal Love And Affection When Raised by Unloving Mothers

How Men Suffer From The Lack Of Maternal Love

It is a commonly accepted belief that motherly love and affection are essential for the healthy development of a child. However, research suggests that a lack of maternal love and affection can have particularly negative effects on men.

According to a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, men who reported having a lack of maternal love and affection during their childhood were more likely to exhibit symptoms of depression and anxiety as adults, compared to men who reported having a warm and loving relationship with their mothers.

Similarly, ano



Up Next

14 Signs Of Weak Men And The Things They Say To Put Down Strong Women

Signs Of Weak Men And What They Say To Put Down Women

In a world that is constantly pushing for equal rights, it’s important to be aware of certain characteristics in people. And while we stand and celebrate all of our strong men and women, it’s also important to recognize that there are certain signs of weak men and women that can hinder personal growth and positive relationships.

In this piece, we’re going to shed light on the signs of a weak insecure man, and the phrases weak men use to put strong women down. By recognizing these traits we can go a long way in fostering a culture of equality, respect, and personal development.

First, let’s talk explore