4. Don’t trust how he feels about you—assume he’s going to dump you, he won’t call you back, he won’t commit, etc.
If you convince yourself bad things are going to happen…then you increase the likelihood that something bad will in fact happen. Being paranoid about how a guy feels creates a vibe and energy that can turn this fear into a reality.
It’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy. The more you fear something, the more you create an environment where the thing you fear is likely to occur. For example, if you’re worried a guy is going to dump you or lose interest you may act nervous and stressed around him, you may even act needy and desperate, constantly seeking his reassurance that he won’t leave you.
As a result, it just doesn’t feel good to be around you. Something just feels off. He can’t really connect with you because you’re not there. You’re busy interacting with the worried thoughts in your head rather than the person in front of you and eventually things fizzle out and he’s gone, bringing your greatest fear into fruition.
5. Overanalyze everything.
Analyze his texts, the things he said, his posture, the language he used. When you overanalyze, you aren’t being present or authentic. You’re in strategy mode and no matter how stealth you think you are, a guy can always pick up on this energy and it’s off-putting.
Instead of being on constant alert and trying to figure out exactly where he stands, maybe ask yourself why you feel you need to date so defensively. What are you trying to protect and how can you release whatever fear is driving you?
6. Don’t take care of yourself and try to look your best.
It’s been said many times and in many ways … men are visual creatures and physical attraction is extremely important. Not taking care of yourself is one of the behaviours that keep you single forever.
Attraction works differently for men and women. A woman can develop an attraction to a man because of his internal qualities. Men also need to be attracted to a woman on an emotional and intellectual level, but they will never get there if there isn’t already a strong and established physical attraction. You shouldn’t take care of yourself just to get or keep a man. Do it because it will make you feel good about yourself, which opens the door for many good things in life aside from a relationship.
7. Don’t deal with your issues.
Most of us have been hurt in the past, be it a painful childhood or a painful breakup. It’s important to remember that issues don’t resolve themselves—you have to put forth some effort. It’s a myth that time heals- time does nothing unless you do the work. You don’t wake up one day all whole and healed.
Being in a happy, healthy relationship entails being your best self. You can only let in as much love from the outside as you feel on the inside, so if you don’t make self-love your focus, you will never experience the joys of true love (this applies whether you’re in a relationship or not) and remain single forever.
8. Settle for “meantime” relationships.
If you are at the stage in life where you’re ready to settle down and find a lasting relationship, don’t date guys who clearly are not in the same place! It’s pretty obvious when a guy isn’t serious; you know the signs, but you just ignore them because, well, he’s just so cute and what’s the harm in having a little fling at least to pass the time until someone else comes along …
The harm is this is usually where you end up getting hurt because the more time you spend with him, the more your emotions take hold and drown out your objective reasoning, the part of you that knows it would never work out long-term with this guy. If you want a certain kind of relationship, then date guys who want the same thing. It’s so obvious, yet somehow not.