Do you need someone to hold you in order to access your tears/sadness/grief?
Are you able to cook yourself a simple, nutrient-dense home-cooked meal (ordering pizza doesn’t count)?
Confidence is attractive. Confidence comes from results. And results come from skill acquisition.
If you find yourself feeling overly reliant on others for every little thing, then cultivating some self-sufficiency might be just what the doctor ordered.
In short, be a man that you’re proud of. Know how to wipe your own ass, literally and metaphorically speaking.
8. Become more resourceful.
While conspicuous consumption is one way of being an attractive man that some overindulge in (“How much do you think he spent on that car???”), in the long-term resourcefulness is more attractive than lavishness.
Whether you make $60,000 per year or $60,000 per day is irrelevant. What you do with your resources matters.
Wastefulness is an unattractive trait because it betrays an undisciplined mind.
If you get a small scuff on your shoes and immediately throw them out, how can your partner a) trust you to handle your money well, or b) not dispose of her with the same ease when a small speed bump inevitably happens in your relationship?
Take good care of your things. Be mindful of where your money goes on a monthly basis. Invest in quality products instead of buying quick and dirty disposable goods that you’ll burn through in short order.
There’s a balance to be had between the penny-pinching coupon lover and the champagne guzzling dude with 200 Ferraris… and the difference is consciously engaging in mindful resourcefulness. Respect your resources and they will respect you back.
9. Take responsibility for everything in your life.
Many of the points in this list are all dancing around this subject, so I better name it explicitly.
Unattractive men are dependent, fear-ridden boys who blame others and shirk responsibility every time the wind changes direction.
An attractive man is someone who takes ultimate responsibility for everything in his life. He commits to full ownership.
This doesn’t mean that everything is his fault. Living a healthy lifestyle and receiving a cancer diagnosis isn’t your fault. Being swallowed up in an earthquake isn’t something that you ‘manifest’ with your lower-vibrational thoughts.
But an attractive man is willing to accept everything as it is fully, and then is willing to engage in changing it if he so chooses.
Does my wife want more quality time with me? Alright, I will put energy into making that happen. Distraction-free date nights every week. Let’s do this.
I don’t have as much of a financial nest egg as I would like? That’s on me. I will budget my lifestyle accordingly, cut necessary corners, and create a plan to start earning more.
I have fallen into the worst physical shape of my life? Time to start eating better, sleeping on a regular schedule, and going to the gym four days a week.
Blame is the opposite of responsibility. Blame is making others responsible. And this very quickly leads to drowning in a state of victim consciousness.
No one is coming to save you. You are an adult. Your life is up to you now.
10. Prioritize play, fun, and lightness.
The last thing that I want this list to come off as is ‘You have to be a stoic, responsible badass who understands that life is hard and shitty.’
Ultimately, being a holistically attractive man comes down to living a life of totality.
When you take ownership of your life, you take it on 100%. When you need to cry, you feel the sense of deserving and permission to bawl your eyes out. If you’re going to get a haircut, you don’t settle for the $10 Supercuts special down the street, but you know that you’re allowed to invest in your appearance and pay the $40-80 that your head deserves (again, grooming matters).
So just as important as responsibility, ownership, and resourcefulness are, so is play, lightness, and fun.
Cyndi Lauper famously sang “Girls just wanna have fun”… well so do women. So do all the people.