10. Prioritize play, fun, and lightness
The last thing that I want this list to come off as is ‘You have to be a stoic, responsible badass who understands that life is hard and shitty.’
Ultimately, being a holistically attractive man comes down to living a life of totality.
When you take ownership of your life, you take it on 100%. When you need to cry, you feel the sense of deserving and permission to bawl your eyes out. If you’re going to get a haircut, you don’t settle for the $10 Supercuts special down the street, but you know that you’re allowed to invest in your appearance and pay the $40-80 that your head deserves (again, grooming matters).
So just as important as responsibility, ownership, and resourcefulness are, so is play, lightness, and fun.
Cyndi Lauper famously sang “Girls just wanna have fun”… well so do women. So do all the people.
Few things make you more resilient to life than a sense of humor. As soon as you take yourself too seriously, it’s all downhill from there.
Your potential romantic partners inherently know that life will deal with you unexpected hardships. So if you approach life with a through-line of playfulness, you will inevitably be more resilient when those hard times come to a knockin’.
If you find yourself feeling heavily divorced from play in your life, at the basic level you want to start doing things that you find fun, simply because they are fun.
Start off by watching my interview with the author of Play It Away, Charlie Hoehn, about the healing and transformative power of play. Then start integrating play into your weekly calendar. Scheduling play sounds like a very type-A thing to do, but it works.
Past that, start proactively looking for the humor in everything. Especially the darkest and most challenging parts of your life. There is always humor to be found. Still feeling stuck? Start going to stand-up comedy shows more often and see how professional comedians find lightness in all facets of life.
If you start creating opportunities for play and searching for laughter in life as much as you have (insert whatever your core focus has been over the last five years – money, physical fitness, perceived status, etc.) the quality of your life will transform in a matter of days.
11. Have more experiences
Nothing makes a man more interesting and attractive than living a full and dynamic life.
Whenever men ask me about what to talk about on first dates… or how to make more money… or how to not be so anxious in conversation… or how to not be so afraid of dying young… or not knowing what to do for the next iteration of their career path, my advice often comes down to this: live a fuller life.
If you are showing up and engaging in your life fully, benefits will abound.
You will have a surer sense of who you are (your likes and dislikes). You will have more skills, abilities, and stories to tell. And, last but certainly not least, you will be able to die a better death.
It has been said that much of life is simply a preparation for your death. Show up with courage, willingness, and effort in your life, and you can die content, knowing that you gave it you are all. Or you could underperform, hold back, and show up with timidity, fear, and hesitation, and you can be riddled with pain and regret on your death bed.
Long story short: live fully = die fully. Or, live in constant fear = die with regret. The choice is yours.
As you can see, putting in the work to become a more dynamic and attractive man isn’t for the faint of heart. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it.
But by putting in the work, you get a competitive advantage over others who aren’t willing to truly face and challenge themselves.
Ultimately, this all comes down to putting in work, building a dynamic and fulfilling single life, and then letting who you are speak volumes as you put yourself out into the world.
You don’t need to pick up lines, memorized scripts, tips, tricks, or techniques to become a more attractive man when you speak louder than any words you could say.
Happy growing brother. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.
Dedicated to your success,
Written by Jordan Gray
Originally appeared in Jordan GrayConsulting
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