6. Find your passion and live it every day
There are few things more attractive than a man who has found and is living his passion.
A cynic would say that this is because the women that he is trying to attract wants him to have a good earning potential. And this may be part of the case (a man who can meet the financial needs of his lifestyle is certainly desirable). But I would argue that the majority of women would prefer to be partnered with a happy man than a rich man (when one is in exclusion to the other). And a man who is fully engaged in living his passion is, more often than not, a contented man.
Back to you. The first step is finding what your heart burns to do in this world.
If you have yet to do this, start here.
Carve out two hours and sit with these questions:
– What have been five of the happiest days of my life, that I have already lived?
– What is my life that makes me feel the most?
– What makes me the happiest?
– What makes me the most angry?
– What topic would I happily sit in a 12-hour workshop about?
– If I had 20 million dollars in my bank account, and I have to leave the house every day, what would I fill my time with?
Write out 1-3 pages of words for each of these things. Once complete, look for the major patterns throughout what you wrote.
Themes will emerge. You will see what actually matters to you.
Once you’ve discovered what really matters to you, it’s simply a matter of finding a job that meets as many of those needs as possible and committing to it.
This stuff isn’t easy. I believe that it takes the ultimate courage to truly commit to what you are meant to do in the world.
Committing, in itself, is only one part of the journey. You will be tested. You will have to recommit, over and over to your path.
Whatever you are meant to do in this world, do it. If you do, you will be able to die empty… gifts given. If you resist the calling of this path, the parts of yourself that you repress will wreak havoc on your body, mind, and emotions. You will be more prone to addictions, mental disturbances, and engaging in things that help you numb you out to your general state of malaise.
As an added benefit to deciding to live out your passion, you, by default, will end up perpetually growing more and contributing more. And, in my experience of 10+ years of being a professional relationship coach and talking to people from all walks of life, people are never happier than when they are 1) giving, and 2) growing.
Live your passion. You are going to die anyway. Whether you die tomorrow, or in 80 years is entirely beyond your control. So you might as well fill your time with something meaningful that lights your heart on fire.
If you are fortunate enough to be able to read these words (have access to the internet, have enough time on your hands to read articles on the internet, etc.), then you owe it to the world to engage your passions. Don’t you dare settle and phone it in in your life? You have big shoes to fill, and it is your responsibility alone to fill them.
“Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
7. Become more self-sufficient
This point will only matter for some of you.
For the long-term lone wolf, points #10 and 11 will likely be more valuable to you than this one (and you can go ahead and skip this point). Some men are already self-sufficient enough and need to lean into the gifts of friendship and community.
But for many modern men, self-sufficiency is a necessary growth edge to lean into.
Do you call your mother at the slightest sign of stress in your life?
Do you call a handyman to do the most basic of home repairs?
Do you need someone to hold you in order to access your tears/sadness/grief?
Are you able to cook yourself a simple, nutrient-dense home-cooked meal (ordering pizza doesn’t count)?
Confidence is attractive. Confidence comes from results. And results come from skill acquisition.
If you find yourself feeling overly reliant on others for every little thing, then cultivating some self-sufficiency might be just what the doctor ordered.
In short, be a man that you’re proud of. Know how to wipe your own ass, literally and metaphorically speaking.
8. Become more resourceful
While conspicuous consumption is one way of being an attractive man that some overindulge in (“How much do you think he spent on that car???”), in the long-term resourcefulness is more attractive than lavishness.
Whether you make $60,000 per year or $60,000 per day is irrelevant. What you do with your resources matters.
Wastefulness is an unattractive trait because it betrays an undisciplined mind.
If you get a small scuff on your shoes and immediately throw them out, how can your partner a) trust you to handle your money well, or b) not dispose of her with the same ease when a small speed bump inevitably happens in your relationship?
Take good care of your things. Be mindful of where your money goes on a monthly basis. Invest in quality products instead of buying quick and dirty disposable goods that you’ll burn through in short order.
There’s a balance to be had between the penny-pinching coupon lover and the champagne guzzling dude with 200 Ferraris… and the difference is consciously engaging in mindful resourcefulness. Respect your resources and they will respect you back.
9. Take responsibility for everything in your life
Many of the points in this list are all dancing around this subject, so I better name it explicitly.
Unattractive men are dependent, fear-ridden boys who blame others and shirk responsibility every time the wind changes direction.
An attractive man is someone who takes ultimate responsibility for everything in his life. He commits to full ownership.
This doesn’t mean that everything is his fault. Living a healthy lifestyle and receiving a cancer diagnosis isn’t your fault. Being swallowed up in an earthquake isn’t something that you ‘manifest’ with your lower-vibrational thoughts.
But an attractive man is willing to accept everything as it is fully, and then is willing to engage in changing it if he so chooses.
Does my wife want more quality time with me? Alright, I will put energy into making that happen. Distraction-free date nights every week. Let’s do this.
I don’t have as much of a financial nest egg as I would like? That’s on me. I will budget my lifestyle accordingly, cut necessary corners, and create a plan to start earning more.
I have fallen into the worst physical shape of my life? Time to start eating better, sleeping on a regular schedule, and going to the gym four days a week.
Blame is the opposite of responsibility. Blame is making others responsible. And this very quickly leads to drowning in a state of victim consciousness.
No one is coming to save you. You are an adult. Your life is up to you now.