A huge part of being unfuckwithable is seeing the stories you tell yourself that fuck you over, then finding new stories that serve you better.
3. Park the Drama
Drama is for the Kardashian-loving, opinion-spewing, self-important fools of the world.
Drama is mired in detail. He said, she said. Who did what? Who didn’t do what? Who likes who. Who hates who. The real problem is. What should have happened is. I can’t believe they did that. And then what happened is. And then. And then. And then. And then. And then.
When you’re in the drama, all you can see is the endless, rolling, tumultuous detail and how unfair it all is. It puts you in a place where the whole world is fucking around and not listening to you. It puts you in a place where you’re endlessly fucked with.
The drama keeps you busy while your view of what really matters gets clouded. And it’s the stuff that matters to you—whether it’s love, creativity, contribution, laughter, connection or whatever else—that makes life rich with texture and possibility.
Being unfuckwithable means elevating yourself above the stuff that keeps fucking with you. Go to where the meaning is, not the trivial. Go to where the potential is, not the problems. Go to where the vision is, not the vultures.
4. Engage, don’t struggle
How many times in your life have you struggled against where you found yourself? A relationship that didn’t feel right or took an unwanted swerve. A job that bored you or kept you feeling stuck. Or a life that seems to be a string of “almosts” and struggles to come into focus.
It sure seems like life is a struggle for a lot of people, but I wonder about that. I wonder about the idea of struggle as a noble or necessary thing. The idea that you’re like a beleaguered soldier, trying to do what’s right and battling against all the stuff out there that’s against you.
It sets up conflict right from the start. You against the world, in a forceful effort to get free of constraint or resist attack. It’s a conflict that’s not just exhausting but fucks with how you see yourself and how you see your place in the world.
So don’t struggle, engage. When you find yourself in a situation or circumstance that you’d rather not be in, own it. Welcome it. Love it.
Because it’s only when you love the hell you’re in that you get to make choices based on the best of you rather than your worst.
It’s only when you drop the weighty and frustrating “Why me…?” and start the weightless and freeing “Now then…” that you get to make good choices based on the fact that you’re already whole and worthy of love and belonging.
So fuck struggling. Engage.
5. Take a stand
Taking a stand is that thing you do when someone or something comes at you and asks you to step aside. Literature, movies, and history are filled with people who did it—Martin Luther King. Erin Brockavich. Captain America. Mother Theresa. Harry freakin’ Potter.
Of course, if your spine happens to made from damp socks then you’ll fold quicker than Superman on laundry day.
Rolling over instead of taking a stand for something that matters to you does 3 things:
- diminishes your sense that you can have a meaningful impact
- sets up patterns of behaviour where people-pleasing and fitting in is more important than making a decision that matters
- fucks with you
Now, this doesn’t mean that you always have to come out swinging, that you have to transform a community or save the world. Taking a stand might simply be saying “No” when you’re asked to work the weekend because you want to spend quality time with someone you love. It might mean prioritizing a personal project (getting fit, writing a book, setting up a business) over slouching in front of the TV. Or it might mean making a choice towards gratitude and wholeheartedness instead of cynicism and judgment.