I was no longer trying to push it away. The suffering felt endless, yet I endured it. I don’t even know how to explain it. And then on the morning of January 1, 2004, I woke up.
Not to a new year, but a new life. The suffering was gone, all was forgiven, and I was at peace. A peace that I had never known before. That which I thought I no longer existed. My false perception of Self vanished.
I remember the singing of the birds, the sun entering through the window, and everything around me was seen in a new light – a light of awe and amazement. My mind had ceased its chatter, I was experiencing a very deep peace.
And then it started – wave after wave of revelations, of deep knowing. I began to awaken to who I Am. I became acutely aware that I Am eternal and sovereign. Each wave awakened me more to my deepest Self.
Each wave also shattered the illusions and deceptions of the world. As I awakened, my eyes saw a very different world. All the pieces fell into place. Someday I will describe the many revelations that flooded over me. I have already written much about it.
The largest wave came a couple of weeks into this. I was meditating, and I went so deep, following the river of life to the depths of my Being. I was empty, but then from this emptiness, a powerful divine love sprang forth, inundating my entire mind and body. This love is unconditional. It spread out from me everywhere.
All of the bugs, the lizards, the birds, the plants, the trees, everything was inundated with this love. I could not tell where I ended and the other Beings began. We were all intrinsically connected with this love, and yet my individual Self remained.
I was not the bugs, the birds or the plants, but the connection was so deep, that I felt they were as if a part of me. There was simultaneously separation and no separation. It is not easy to describe, but this divine love is nothing like the love of this world.
But when you do awaken, and you do see the world with new eyes, you soon realize that no one else is seeing the same thing. I tried to tell a few people what had happened to me, but no one believed me.
They thought that perhaps I cracked under the pressure of suffering and had gone crazy. No one wanted to hear anything I said, as it exposed their false beliefs. So I remained quiet for eight years.
I awoke, only to find the rest of the world still sleeping.
– Leonardo DaVinci
How can I possibly explain something so deep, beyond the mind, where people have no concepts or understanding? What I woke up to I call Knowings, as opposed to knowledge.
Knowledge comes from outside of the Self, either from the world or from “up above”. Knowings are who you are. It is not new information, but rather an awakening to your true Self.
Someone who has not awakened to his true Self has a difficult time understanding. They believe it is just knowledge, a different set of beliefs.
Therefore people say things like, “That is your idea of Truth. It’s different from mine.” or “There is no absolute Truth, only relative truths.” They think they are only my beliefs. It is quite pointless to explain this to people because all they know his beliefs.
So I remain alone, with but a few friends that have experienced their own dark night of the soul, and awakened to their true Self, if sometimes only a glimmer. That is all it takes for one to see that there is a deep consciousness separate from the vast majority of people.