Sam liked Tara, but he had not realized until then how often she had manipulated him into situations where he felt taken advantage of. He realized that Tara was a very selfish woman who did not really care about him or his feelings. Sam decided that this situation was unlikely to change and that he did not want to pursue the relationship with Tara any further. He never asked her out again.
Devaluing is another Common Narcissistic Response to Rejection
Tara sent him a few sweet texts and thanked him profusely for his generous gift. When he did not respond, she became angry and then sent him a long, nasty, rambling text message that ended with her calling him “a miserable, cheap, heartless loser.” Sam was relieved that he had not stayed in the relationship longer.
You do not have to be able to diagnose someone as a narcissist in order to decide to get out of the relationship. Sam was not a diagnostician, nor was he sophisticated about psychology. He was, however, able to recognize when he felt uncomfortable and manipulated. Sam cut Tara out of his life because he had an idea of how he wanted to be treated and trusted his own sense that Tara was mistreating him in some way that crossed his personal boundaries. Her final insulting email just confirmed for Sam that he had made the right decision.
“The lion is most handsome when looking for food.” — Rumi
Rule 3: Trust your Gut
If being with this person makes you feel uncomfortable or they regularly maneuver you into doing things that you do not want to do, he or she is probably not right for you. Trust your own instincts.
Punchline: It is not a good relationship if you repeatedly feel bad.
Being with a narcissist is probably one of the worst things you can do for yourself and your mental health. They tend to always make everything about themselves, and seldom care about the other person and their feelings. So, the next time you feel like you are falling for someone, take a step back and analyze the situation properly. If it is a narcissist, then run as fast as you can from them!
Check out this video if you have always been attracted to narcissists:
Find Elinor’s book on Amazon: Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety.
Elinor’s website is www.elinorgreenberg.com.
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