These are very different needs than the first list. So I would say to Susan, who asked the question: “Susan, I would guess that the needs you are talking about are from the first list since we generally don’t ask for promises for the second list. When we are connecting with ourselves and taking loving care of ourselves, we can generally sense whether or not the other person is capable of love, connection, caring, empathy, openness, and honesty. These qualities are either forthcoming or they aren’t. Someone cannot ‘promise’ to give us these things.
So look at first and see if you are giving yourself the things on the first list. Then you will be in a position to share with someone the things on the second list.
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Written by Margaret Paul, PhD
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