There’s not some ultimate end result they are looking for: the infinite player is focused on connection more than commitment because when it all boils down, it’s all about the connection, not the labels.
Another way finite thinking shows up is in questions around who holds the power, who might be more attracted to whom, or more committed, etc.
The result then is a competitive mindset where one person is winning and the other is losing. This kind of thinking is super destructive because it results in game-playing and emotional withholding, and overthinking — a ripe field for more anxiety.
The infinite player, on the other hand, recognizes the other person as being on the same team. They make the shift from competition to collaboration, around envisioning and consciously designing the ideal future for them both.
Yet another way finite thinking might appear is by looking for your partner to meet all your needs as a human. This is the perfect breeding ground for anxiety and ultimately can result in scorekeeping where you’re keeping track of what you’ve given, in hopes to get those needs met in return.
What the infinite player does is see the relationship as a place to give rather than get, as an act of expression of who they want to be in the relationship, where the giving is the gift itself.
The last way finite thinking might appear is by seeing other people as a threat. They might see people who make more money, have better looks or have more gregarious personalities as a threat to the relationship or competition to themselves.
What happens with this type of thinking is we’re actually discounting our own value, which naturally will crack the foundation of our own security and have us show up in jealous and controlling ways.
What does the infinite player do? They see these people as inspiration and admire those traits these people possess that they themselves may need to develop.
So, I must mention that finite thinking and goal setting is not all bad – it’s not a bad thing to have “relationship goals”, and that type of thinking can definitely lead to a lot of forwarding movement.
The problem is when we get stuck there because the dark side of finite thinking is that we can start to feel like victims if the relationship doesn’t line up with our ultimate vision.
The infinite player has honed their ability to instead metabolize and alchemize what could be considered “negative” surprises and anxiety, and see them as a teacher or a gateway to becoming a better human.
That’s the power of infinite thinking, and the side benefit is that it puts the power squarely in your own lap of how you’re going to interpret events and your own reactions.
What are your thoughts? Can you see areas of your life where you’re stuck in finite thinking? Or where there’s the opportunity for expanding into that more infinite realm? I’d love to hear what’s real for you with this.
I’m going to be launching a small but potent circle called The Infinite Relationship Group soon. It will consist of a small 9-month group experience of my one-on-one coaching. The purpose will be to support you coming into total alignment so that you can create healthy, lasting, and empowered relationships. It will be a deep exploration into the state of being called “securely attached” and how to create your relationships and world from that as a starting point.
If this sounds remotely interesting and would like to be considered, connect with me right now and let me know. I’ll be sure you’re included in a follow-up email with more info.
Clayton Olson is an International Relationship Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, and Facilitator. He delivers private virtual coaching sessions and leads online group workshops. Register for his free webinar that reveals the 3 Keys to Attracting and Keeping a High-Quality Man or grab his free guide 5 Secrets To Create A Rock Solid Relationship.
Written By Clayton Olson Originally Appeared On Clayton Olson Coaching Republished here with permission