The Surprising Way Anger Can Be Healthy For Your Relationship

the surprising way anger can be healthy for your relationship

3. Another approach is to be outright aggressive. Blame the person wholly and take no responsibility for your actions.

Demand what you want or need without caring about the other person’s feelings.

Overgeneralize and make statements like, “You never do this…” or “You always do that…” Your position is that you know better, you’re right so it’s only right that you get your way. Another immature response that brings to mind teenage mentality.

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4. The mature response is to acknowledge your trigger, express yourself and ask for what you need. To be assertive. People often fear assertiveness confusing it with aggressiveness. Very different behaviors.

To assert yourself, you acknowledge your own part you play and try to understand others’ points of view as well. You look for ways that you both can “win” from this situation and how you can learn from it so it doesn’t keep happening. You use the emotions that were evoked as a tool to understand the situation.

You use language to express your needs, “I need you to listen to what I have to say before you tell me why I’m wrong.” “I need to feel heard, so please don’t try to fix the situation, just listen to what I’m sharing.”

Then you seek your partner’s input on why they responded or reacted as they did.

By mutually listening and sharing with each other, you could find ways to not only honor your partner but protect them. When there is conflict, anger is a sign of not feeling safe. Even if the threat is not physical, it is a threat and in loving relationships, it shouldn’t be there.

You can work together to figure out how to resolve the threat. How to resolve the situation when the trigger happens. What each of you can do to prevent the other from not feeling safe, or recognizing the anger for what it is and resolving it sooner.

In my family, we teach the rule of, “Safety first!” It’s not only about physical safety. Emotional and relational safety is just as important.

Your anger is a clue that you don’t feel safe … it’s a trigger to fight or flee. Use it as a tool to be informed and to make your environment safe again. You can do that together.


Written By Amy Sargent
Originally Appeared On YourTango
The Surprising Way Anger Can Be Healthy and Make Your Relationships Better
Anger in Relationships
the surprising way anger can be healthy for your relationship pin
the surprising way anger can be healthy for your relationship
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