To my beautiful children, today and always—there is something that I would like to tell you,
I know that you only see all that is shining and glittering this time of year and for that I am thankful.
But, there is something else that I need to tell you before you get any older—I am sorry.
I am sorry that I can’t give you the one thing that you need—a man in your life who shows up every single day, no matter what.
The kind of man whose unconditional love, time and attention won’t ever be something that is questioned.
A man who is as warm as the bright sun and as constant as the moon.
I didn’t mean to be a single parent—or a modern day rendition of super woman.
But I am.
I thought that my life would be complete—but I was wrong.
At first it was so difficult when our world fell apart because I was thrown into the role of being a stronger woman than I was at the time.
I had the choice to fail or to rise to the challenge—-but there was never a question of which I would choose.
As I held you both close and felt your infectious laughter I knew I had only one option—to become the woman and mother who you needed me to be.
It wasn’t always easy and in the darkness of a quiet house I cried myself to sleep on more than one occasion.
But, I never gave up.
I never wanted to be a single parent—I didn’t aspire to do it all alone.
Sometimes though life just doesn’t go the way we anticipated, and although we can spend time fighting against it and wanting to push our own agenda, in the end, nothing can stop life from happening.
I know that I have become the mother who you needed all along, but things are still not how I truly wish for my life to be.
It’s hard holding the weight of the world upon my shoulders.
Some days it seems impossible that I will be able to keep it up, yet somehow I always do.
You call me super momma.
But, it’s both of you who I think are pretty incredible.
I see your hopeful eyes and your amazing loving energy and I just know that you will transform the world.
I just wish that I could give you everything that you truly deserve, but the reality is, I can’t control life.
I can’t make choices for other people and I can’t fix everything.
The only thing I can do is the very best that I know how to do.
I can wake each day giving you kisses and saying good morning sweetheart.
I can pick up special treats for you as surprises and take you out for sundaes on Sunday.
I can chase you through the house and pretend to be sick when you want to play doctor.