4. Write things down.
After my client finally let go of her boyfriend, she started telling me what things had really been like in the relationship. That he wasn’t showing up, was treating her badly when he did and how he told her, over and over, that he didn’t want to be in a relationship.
In spite of all of those things, she still couldn’t accept that he didn’t want her because she looked at each issue individually, not as a group. She didn’t see the systemic patterns that indicated that he didn’t want to be with her.
I had her start writing down the things that he did to her as she remembered them. A lot of them, her mind had pushed way down deep because of her denial but they popped up when she dug for them.
Within the first day, she had a list a full page long. Over the next week, it became even longer. When she saw all the things that he had done listed in front of her, it was way easier for her to see that he had been treating her badly and sending her signals for a long time that he didn’t want to truly be with her and that she was the only one trying to make it work.
So, take stock of the words and deeds that your guy is saying, and doing that doesn’t make you feel so good. If you see them all together then it might make it easier for you to accept that he doesn’t want you.
5. Move the #*#& on.
I know it’s hard, hearing me tell you that it’s time to move on.
You have been working for months, or years, to make this relationship work and now I am telling you that it’s time to give up. Ugh.
I have a client who was enmeshed with a narcissistic alcoholic for 10 years. She could not let him go and accept that he didn’t want her. I encouraged her to date and eventually she did.
And it helped so much!
What getting back out there did for her was to remind her that she is beautiful, that there are men who want her, to remember what it felt like to be wooed and appreciated. And, eventually, she did meet a guy who wanted to be with her and treated her like a queen and they are now living happily after.
So, stop sitting around, mooning over someone who doesn’t want you. Put on some high heels, or sneakers, and get back out there. There a million guys out there who would be lucky to have you.
I know that working to accept that he doesn’t want you is not an easy thing.
I know that you so wanted this relationship to work and letting go is killing you.
But, if you can be honest with yourself, recognize the red flags, and listen to his words you will get closer to accepting what has happened. And, once you put yourself back out there, you won’t look back, only forward!
You can do this! I promise!
Written By Mitzi Bockmann Originally Appeared In Let Your Dreams Begin